How To Get A Guy To Text You Back: A Guide For Women

woman with phone on train at night textingWhen I first tried online dating, I met a girl who was cute and seemed interesting. After a few days of text message conversation, I felt like I was going to die…of boredom. Her good looks weren’t enough. Quality men (those with solid careers, good bodies, and incredible personalities) want more than than a pretty face. If you can’t show a man that you have a genuine personality, even over text, he’s going to find someone else, at least for a long term relationship.

Through texting and other forms of instant messaging like Instagram, WhatsApp, Facebook, and Snapchat, you can instantly connect with anyone throughout the world. Naturally, texting has been used extensively in dating and relationships and it can make or break your chances of finding love.

In the past, I’ve mostly helped guys with their texting questions and problems. Now, I’m going to share advice for women. Drawing on my experience as a dating coach (and man), here are my favorite tips explaining how to get a guy to text you back.

Getting the creeps and low quality guys to respond isn’t difficult. This article will focus on getting the attention of those attractive, quality guys in your life.

Command His Attention

High quality guys want to be with attractive, interesting women. Keep in mind, attractive is a broad quality that includes physical looks, but also personality, and intelligence. You don’t have to be a model, but you do have to care. If you want a guy to give you his time and attention over text, you have to be worth his efforts.

Attractive men have many dating options (as do attractive women). If you want him to text you regularly, you have to show him you’re special enough to warrant his time and energy. A quality man is successful and busy. He’s not going to devote extra energy texting someone he doesn’t consider to be worth it.

The good news, however, is that most guys are happy with a woman who is generally pretty, engaging, friendly, and sweet with a good personality. You don’t have to travel the world, have a great job, or be a model to command his attention. But, you do need to be engaging and interesting. Research by The League, a dating app, showed that being boring or bland was the number one factor that led to guys ignoring women over text.

And, if you truly like him romantically, be flirty and tease a little. Get his hormones going. Creating a raw sense of passion within him is a quick way to command his immediate attention!

Reach Out To Him

woman texting on the phone on the beachMy typical day involves getting up at 5:20am, working for around 9 hours, then running or the gym for about an hour. Then, at least 4-5 days a week, I’ll see friends or go to some kind of networking event. After that, it’s bedtime. Throw in appointments and other obligations and I have very little downtime.

If you suspect that he’s busy or has a lot going on in his life, then reach out and try to start a conversation if he stopped responding. You don’t always need to know how to get a guy to text you back, if you engage him first. Also, if he is slow with replies, don’t stress too much if you know he’s busy.

Also, you may have to take the lead with a guy who is shy or doesn’t know you well. By messaging him and reconnecting, it could be the spark needed to let him know you like him and start a great relationship.

You might be reluctant to reach out to him, thinking it’s the man’s job. However, men like it when women reach out to them. An OKCupid study showed that women who reached out to men on the app connected with higher quality men overall.

The same applies to texting. Better to reach out to a winner than sit back and be annoyed by all the losers and creeps who have the excess free time to constantly message “hey” and “what’s up?”

Be Casual And Personal

When he does text you, make sure to create a conversation where he will want to respond. I’ve found that the best way is to send casual, yet personal texts. Don’t just say “hey” or talk about the weather. Definitely don’t lecture him for not replying.

I usually recommend a couple of ways to get replies. First, send him a text that creates an incentive to reply. For example, if he’s into running, tell him that you saw a race you think he’d like. If he enjoys a certain band, mention an upcoming concert. This makes him invested in giving a response.

If you don’t have anything to create an incentive, text him that you saw something that reminded you of him. His curiosity will make him respond. Of course, find something that actually does remind you of him first!

Unless he is totally not interested in you, these two types of texts should get him back to texting you.

Be Engaging And Fun

man in suit holding phoneIf guys don’t message you back often, then you might not be very engaging or fun. That woman I mention in my first paragraph of the article was boring because she only responded with one or two words, never started conversations, and didn’t make an effort.

When he does reply, try to be engaging and have a good time. This will make sure that you hook him in and get him interested. He’ll be excited to text you and want to get back to you quickly.

Here are a few ways you can be engaging and fun:

  • Respond in full sentences
  • Initiate conversations, not just reply to him
  • Use emojis
  • Respond in a timely manner
  • Be funny and flirty, rather than negative and complaining
  • Don’t always focus on serious topics
  • Send sexy/teasing photos

If you follow these guidelines, you’ll have no trouble getting a guy to text you back. In addition, all of this will make a guy more likely to consider you a good texting partner and want to keep a conversation going with you for a long time.

About the Author

Jonathan Bennett

Jonathan Bennett

Jonathan Bennett is a writer, speaker, and dating/relationship expert. He's helped millions through his articles, speaking, consulting, and coaching. He's appeared in over 500 major publications, including Business Insider, The Wall Street Journal, and Psychology Today.

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