Double Trust Dating

Category: Singleness

Four Reasons Why Gen Z Are Bad At Dating

Let’s get this out of the way: Gen Z isn’t doomed. They’re smart, creative, and more emotionally aware than previous generations in many ways. Honestly, I like a lot of Gen Z people. But when it comes to dating? Something’s off. In fact, singleness is at all time highs. Why are more young people single when they literally have so many ways to meet others?

Swipe culture, situationships, and ghosting aren’t just buzzwords…they’re symptoms of a larger, messier problem. Here are four reasons Gen Z might be struggling in the romance department. Here’s why.

1. The Dating App Paradox: Too Many Options, Not Enough Connection

Dating apps were supposed to make finding love easier, but for Gen Z, they’ve turned romance into a game of digital window shopping. With unlimited options comes the illusion that something (or someone) better is just one swipe away. The result? Commitment-phobia, indecision, and a lot of “meh” dates with people who never make it past small talk. It’s hard to bond when you’re busy wondering if your soulmate is five swipes to the right.

Psychology speaks of a concept called “choice paradox.” When you’re presented with SO many options, the brain becomes overwhelmed, and as a result chooses nothing.

2. Everyone’s “Talking,” But No One’s Actually Communicating

“Talking” used to be the first step to something real. Now it’s often the final destination. Gen Z has mastered texting, ghosting, soft-launching, and strategic story-posting, but somewhere along the way, they forgot how to have vulnerable, awkward, real conversations. In a world of curated captions and ironic detachment, earnestness feels risky. So people play it cool. So cool, in fact, they never actually connect.

In fact, just go onto TikTok and see how many people are posting about how much they hate dating and/or the people they want to date, like all men or all women. How can you really connect and communicate with someone when you brag all day about not doing it?

3. Emotional Baggage at 22: The Trauma Olympics

Self-awareness is a double-edged sword. Gen Z has done an impressive job de-stigmatizing mental health, but sometimes it feels like dating has become a competition over who’s the most emotionally damaged.

Everyone’s “not ready,” “still healing,” or “working on themselves.” This is great, in theory. But eventually, healing becomes a hiding place, and dating becomes an endless cycle of almosts, maybes, and therapy-speak deflection.

4. Romance Is Cringe (Until It Isn’t)

Irony rules Gen Z culture. Sincerity? Kinda cringe. Grand romantic gestures are viewed as embarrassing or “simping,” unless they’re wrapped in sarcasm or self-aware memes. But you can’t build a relationship on irony alone. Real intimacy requires real risk, and that’s hard when everyone’s more comfortable with clever quips than honest feelings. Vulnerability has become the final frontier, and most people are too afraid to plant a flag there.

While yes, going overboard isn’t attractive, to make an emotional connection, humans need romance and openness to romance. If you can’t let yourself do it, well, you won’t connect with anyone.

However, Gen Z isn’t hopeless when it comes to love. They’re just navigating a weird, new world with different rules. If they can get past the irony, face their fears, and put down their phones for five minutes, they might find that dating isn’t dead after all.

It’s just waiting for someone brave enough to try it the old-fashioned way: awkwardly, honestly, and maybe even a little bit cringey.

May 7, 2025
The Real, No-BS Reasons You’re Single in 2021 Despite Being a “Catch”

Just talk to anyone who is single. Or go onto online forums and subreddits related to dating and relationships. Basically, what you see are hordes of single “catches” who are mysteriously single. How can people who seem to have everything going for them – great jobs, lots of traveling, nice apartments and houses, and a lot of education – be single??

Well, here are the real reasons you’re a “catch” and still single.

And, I want to say that I get it. It can be frustrating when you’re looking for something but can’t find it, especially when you have a lot going for you. But maybe, just maybe, there are reasons why you’re single and still a catch. I’m going to try to be as blunt, but also as nice, as possible, so bear with me.

1. You Aren’t Really A Catch (Where It Matters)

Here is the simple answer: the metrics that make a person successful in life aren’t necessarily the metrics that make you a “catch” in terms of dating. So, you have a good job, own your home, have an education, and are polite and nice? Well congrats. You’re a good person, and contributing to society. But these things don’t play that much into attraction, especially for what guys find attractive, although women do tend to find these items more attractive as they indicate social status (keep reading for more on this).

So, as harsh as this sounds, in terms of dating, nobody cares that you have multiple degrees and just rose up the ranks at a law firm. In fact, the fact that you are going to be so busy could actually be a turn-off for many people.

So, if we are being realistic, what makes you a catch is being attractive and engaging. These two things are all that matter.

Let’s look at being attractive a little. Heterosexual men tend to assess attraction based on one question: is a woman physically good-looking? And, if we are nice and smart, we would prefer that you are as well, but you probably know plenty of smart and quality guys who are dating hot women who aren’t nice or smart.

Heterosexual women tend to define attraction more broadly, and it includes an emphasis on looks (largely a symmetrical face, muscularity, and being taller than they are), but also personality. So, a guy who isn’t as good looking can be a “catch” if he has charisma, is funny, or is in a position of authority or status (like a celebrity or her boss).

But, you may say, “I have all these things” (maybe you really don’t, but I’ll take your word for it!). So are you engaging?

This is very important. I define this as, are you actually willing to have the vulnerability necessary to form a connection. If you’re the type who swipes left on every person, or finds a little fault with every person you date, then you aren’t very engaging. This also includes people who don’t get out much, are socially awkward, etc. So you may not even have malicious intent; you just don’t come across as engaging.

2. You Are Too Picky (Or Not Picky Enough)

This impacts women mostly, but men are impacted too. If you look at swipe right rates for women, they are highly selective. Women swipe right 4.5% of the time. And, generally, at least with online dating, women tend to all like the same small group of men (the top 10% of men monopolize over half of female likes).

Why are women so picky? In many cases, women prefer not only that a guy is attractive, but that he should have greater status than they have. Census data shows this reality, which is that women tend to marry men of equal or greater status (whereas men don’t care). And, research shows even high-earning women marry men who earn more, and women don’t want to date men less educated than they are. However, as women gain more and more status in society (including being more educated than men), finding men who meet this attraction criteria is challenging.

This creates an untenable scenario, because there just aren’t enough of these “tens” available for exclusive, monogamous relationships. So, many women get onto online dating and swipe right on a few guys. But, other women are also matching with them. And, these guys are more than happy to “date around” and/or say what it takes to get laid, juggling multiple women at once.

And, this leads the majority of guys who aren’t getting any likes to get even more desperate and less picky. The result is that most men swipe right on most women (60+ percent). This feedback loop of picky women and desperate guys just makes women pickier and guys more desperate, until everyone hates online dating.

Guys could use to be pickier, and to stop being so thirsty, which is highly off-putting to women. So, guys, if you’re a “catch” and single, maybe you’re coming across too desperate.

Prior to online dating, average men and average women dated and seemed happy to do so, but online dating has changed this, and now people almost always shoot outside of their league and don’t give people in their leagues a chance.

And you may say, but “I deserve a college-educated (35% of men) man who makes six figures (9% of Americans), is over 6 feet tall (14% of American men), and is also single,” but you are looking at such a small percentage of the population that even if you find him, the likelihood he’s going to like you back is even slimmer.

Why does this keep you single? Because there aren’t enough “tens” to go around. So you may be a “catch” to someone, but you’re not giving that someone a chance.

3. You Are Too Afraid

Falling in love, meeting others, and being honest with what you really want all require determination, vulnerability, and authenticity. Unfortunately, you may be a “catch” but if you are afraid to take the risks necessary to meet someone, connect, and fall for them, then you’re always going to be single.

I have coached people who won’t date because of things that happened in high school, or because someone they dated hurt them deeply at one point. They were missing out on intimacy because of this fear.

While I am not saying that it’s always easy to overcome fear, many “catches” prefer the safety of being alone and keeping people at arm’s length rather than face the vulnerability that connecting with someone requires.

Mr. or Miss Right could be right in front of you right now, whether it’s when you’re working or exercising next to you at the gym. Yet, we are taught to be afraid of interacting with people we don’t know. I have even seen people sitting alone at bars swiping on dating apps instead of talking to the people around them.

Fear protects the ego but prevents real connections, so you may be a catch, but never get close enough to be “caught” because you’re too afraid.

4. You Can’t Compromise

Relationships require compromise. Online dating has led to the fictitious belief that you can “put in an order” for someone with complete common interests. The reality is that to have a relationship you will have to compromise. Nobody is likely to share your exact interests, political viewpoints, or philosophy on life.

And, we live in a very divisive time, where it’s easy to get sucked into the pseudo-reality that is social media, which drives people to become even more outraged and divided. We have reached a point where many people refuse to even have a civil conversation with someone unless they agree politically. This divisiveness has led many people into isolation.

You may say “but I can’t compromise!!” Well, the social media companies are glad you feel that way, because you will likely keep commenting, tweeting, and posting your outage inducing diatribes on their platforms, making them more money, rather than practicing the humane traits of empathy and understanding that can land you a relationship.

Hey, it’s your life! If you’d rather be right and unhappy instead of seeing yourself as a flawed human who can compromise a little and get to know another flawed human who may see things differently, then by all means, be right.

5. Your Profile Is More Like A Bragging Resume

A client of mine told me he was so tired of seeing all these women on dating apps who have all these perfectly posed, model-like, photos combined with them traveling across the world and showing how important they are. Considering this guy was a multi-millionaire, I wondered how he, of all people, would complain about that. I should note that my female clients have also complained of male profiles who seem similarly inhuman.

The client I just mentioned told me he wanted to date someone who was human, and who was open to love. He didn’t want to date someone who came across as inhuman who would be both busy and gone all the time, or whom he’d feel as if he was competing with all the time.

And he made a great point. Nobody wants to commit to a god or goddess who will be too busy or occupied to have a real human relationship. Now, good for you if you are basically a god or goddess, and are busy all the time working and traveling and accomplishing things. Your profile needs to be very clear that you are looking for a connection not just showing off to the world how great you are. Getting a date is VERY different from getting a job.

Is your profile one that says, “hey, I’m a great and accomplished human being looking for a connection?” or does it just say “Look at me bragging how great I am.”

Now, let me end on a Zen question: is a perpetually miserable and single “catch” really a catch at all?

February 16, 2021
Why Is Finding Love So Difficult in 2021?

Why is it so hard to find love?? You’d think that it would be easy to find love in 2021…We have dating apps, meet-ups, online forums, social media, and more. Before you read this article (in which I’m laying out some of the negatives), please check out our Facebook page where we’ll be focusing on the solutions rather just the problems!

Yet, we have many clients and friends who simply can’t seem to find the right person. And, this is after trying matchmaking, Tinder, Bumble, Ok Cupid, Hinge, virtually every other dating app, and attending singles events. They have taken the advice from well-meaning (but, sadly, mistaken) friends and family about how to “land a man” (or woman). In this era of information overload and access to thousands of people (and the advice of millions), things should be easier, but they aren’t.

And, this isn’t just me listing a few anecdotes. Research shows that people simply aren’t dating, committing, or marrying as much. And, it’s not just the emotional side of relationships that are failing. Despite claims of a “hook up culture,” people just aren’t having as much sex as they used to either.

Overall loneliness is on the rise too, as we become more socially disconnected. A recent Pew Survey found most people think that dating sucks and a lot of people have just stopped looking for love. It’s no wonder 28% of men under 30 haven’t had sex in the last year, an all-time high for men of that age group compared to anytime in history.

Despite the promise of online dating, one study found that 70% of Tinder users didn’t even go on a date from the app! Even E-Harmony’s own data shows that most couples don’t meet online.

Most users of online dating are finding that the process of liking, matching, texting, and meeting someone is a lot of wasted effort, after sorting through the time wasters, ghosters, and fakes. Relationships that start from online dating aren’t as likely to last, so there’s that. This may be because online dating is unnatural for many reasons.

Despite people generally resenting online dating, we also feel compelled to use it as if no other option exists.

Another reason finding love is so hard isn’t due to a lack of choice, but because we have so much choice. This is called the “choice paradox” and it is basically that the more options we have, the less likely we are capable of making a good choice, if we can make one at all. So, when presented with 30 decent men online, it’s very hard to narrow it down to just one, or focus your emotional and social attention to just one. And, those guys all have options as well. So, nobody chooses to settle down with anyone, leading to ridiculous frustration.

Another reality is that daters in 2020 are just plain picky, and online dating is partially to blame. OK Cupid’s research shows that women ultimately find roughly 80% of men online to be unattractive. And, women are only swiping right on 4.5% of male profiles on Tinder (data contained within the full study). When getting online, women in particular seem to get into a weird mode where only the absolute most handsome and successful guy will suffice.

Another issue related to this is that most women are matching with the same 10-15% of handsome, successful guys. Look at the graph. The red shows that men are distributing their likes to a variety of women, while most women are liking the same 10-15% of men.

So, it may seem great that you’ve matched with the handsome, well-dressed, muscular manager of his own company, but so are all the other women on the dating app. And, that manager is going to have two options: attempt to date every woman he’s messaging (and try to sleep with them), or he’s going to pick the prettiest of the bunch. This explains why most women we know complain they only seem to meet players or guys who don’t want a relationship online.

Since most men aren’t getting a whole lot of attention on dating apps (women reject 95.5% of men on Tinder, remember), some men turn into thirsty (desperately sexually needy) weirdos, which results in a lot of overly sexualized messages, messaging random women, begging for sex, and even sending unsolicited “junk pics.” This in turn, makes women even more picky and men even more desperate.

In some of the examples I gave above, women have a big advantage: they can be super picky, and are. However, the research shows this applies more for younger women. Older women are finding the opposite problem of getting to be picky: they become more invisible on certain dating apps as they age.

In fact, a recent large analysis of online dating behavior found women’s popularity on dating apps peaks at age 18 and goes down from there, while a man reaches peak popularity at 50. Some of this is because older men are setting their age ranges quite a bit younger. Ok Cupid’s own data shows that men of all ages are browsing profiles of 20-somethings.

I have also noticed that the over-reliance on online dating has crippled people’s social interactions in real life. Even though most people think online dating sucks, people aren’t going out as much and are less open to in-person interaction. My anecdotal observation is that fewer people are leaving the house outside of work, thanks to the rise of delivery services like door dash, and how easy it is to find entertainment at home (like streaming movies and TV).

How can you meet your soulmate if you never leave your house? And, if when you are out, you are wearing headphones or meanly staring at every guy or woman who comes near you, then how can you ever meet Mr. or Miss Right?

I’ve even seen lonely-looking people in a place full of eligible singles staring at their phones swiping on Tinder!

Wow…finding love in 2021 is difficult, because we’ve entered a cultural and technological era that’s a complete mess (at least from a dating standpoint).

But, as I mentioned, we are trying to remedy this. So please join the discussion about this, and help us solve the problem, on the Double Trust Dating Facebook Page!

And, check out our Courses! We have exclusive discounts available right now.

January 24, 2021
How To Get Over Your Crush: 5 Tips to Move On

As a freshman in high school, I had a crush on a senior. We never dated, but my feelings were strong and intense. Even now, years later, I occasionally browse her social media and some of the feelings return.

When you have a crush on someone, the brain releases an abundance of feel good chemicals like dopamine and serotonin. You feel on top of the world!

But, if you can’t have your crush, your brain goes through withdrawal and grief, leading to anxiety, loneliness, and even physical symptoms that mimic the flu. The pain is why so many people ask how to get over your crush.

Moving on isn’t easy. If you dated your crush or had sex with them, it can be even more complicated. But, you can move past your crush and find love with someone else. Here are five tips to do it.

Block On Social Media

The brain works through reinforcement and the more you do any action, the more it turns into a habit or even an addiction. So, the more you think about your crush, look at their photos, and stalk their social media, the harder it will be to get over them.

Social media makes it super easy to keep up with everything about someone’s life. It allows you to see everything about your crush in vivid detail. But, if you can’t have your crush, you’re only reminding yourself of what you can’t have.

To fully get over your crush, you’ll have to put them out of sight and out of mind. Unless you’re an extremely strong person, this means blocking them on social media. This isn’t to be mean or hurtful, but is for your own sanity.

Keep Busy

Most people today have a lot of “down time,” which is terrible if you overthink and use that time to focus on your crush.

Remember that our brains reinforce what we do regularly over time. But, the opposite is true too. As we do new things and build new brain wiring, the old patterns get weaker and we reinforce new routines. So, by keeping busy with hobbies, friends, and other activities, you keep your mind off of your crush. Eventually, you move on.

If you don’t know what to do in your spare time, then look all around you. The world is filled with interesting activities and hobbies. Look on various event websites or apps and try something new. Go to festivals and concerts. Learn a new skill. Take a class. Talk to friends and see what they enjoy and love.

Not only will doing this help you get over your crush, it will also make you a better, more well-rounded person.

List Your Crush’s Flaws

When I was in high school, I turned down the Homecoming Queen for a date! She was nice and pretty, but I had a crush on another girl. Looking back, I was an idiot, especially since I never actually went out with my crush.

When we develop a crush on someone, our brain chemistry creates what is called the halo effect, which causes us to only see the good in that person, not the flaws. This means that you probably see your crush as nearly “perfect.” Yet, you see the flaws of other people clearly.

This exercise might seem odd, but take out a piece of paper and list out your crush’s flaws. Be brutally honest. If you can’t think of any, ask your friends. I’m sure they can see your crush’s flaws more clearly.

Maybe he’s rude and insensitive. Perhaps she is stuck up and seeks attention on social media. Even if you have to go with general things like “he probably has zits on his butt” and “her poop stinks,” write those down.

This isn’t meant to put down your crush or imply they’re a bad person. It’s just to let you see the truth: your crush isn’t perfect and is, in the end, no better than everyone else.

Date Around

I look back on my refusal to go out with the Homecoming Queen with a lot of regret. I’m sure you can recall times you refused to give someone a chance because of your feelings for your crush. The only way to get past that is to go out and date new people.

As you meet a variety of new people, you’ll definitely find that a lot of them are boring and unattractive. But, you’ll also find those who are fun, exciting, attractive, and make you feel good.

By going out and meeting new people, you’re reinforcing a new pattern, which is that good, attractive men and women exist in the real world. When you get out of your head and into reality, good things happen!

Retrain Your Brain

I’ve talked a lot about the role of the brain in learning how to get over your crush. It’s because your crush lives in your head and your limbic brain doesn’t want to let go. So, you’re going to have to constantly retrain your brain.

In many cases, simply being aware that your feelings towards your crush are irrational is a good start. Going back to their list of flaws is helpful too.

Taking charge of your brain is very important when meeting new people. They will seemed flawed and inferior, especially compared to your crush. But, you have to combat those feelings. Remind yourself that your crush has flaws and that the person you’ve met has many good traits too.

Open yourself up the joy, love, and passion other people can bring into your life. Don’t rush to judge. Instead, immerse yourself in new emotional experiences.

This will retrain your brain to fall in love with someone new. You’ll experience the amazing feelings of a new crush with another person while letting go of the old.

These tips should help you get over a crush. However, if you have depression, anxiety, or feel hopeless, seek out professional help. In many cases, love for a crush can turn toxic and unhealthy and require professional help.

January 18, 2020
Why Do Guys Not Like Me? 5 Possible Reasons

Dating struggles can take a toll on anyone’s mental health, especially when you feel like no one wants you. It can lead to strong feelings of depression and loneliness.

I see this a lot and women ask me: why do guys not like me? These women are looking for the love of their life, but find heartache instead.

And, the reasons guys might not like you aren’t always obvious or straightforward. After all, men can be complicated. But, I can help.

In my years of experience as a dating and relationship coach, I’ve not only researched the science of attraction, but have seen it in action. If you’re wondering why guys don’t like you, you’ve come to the right place. Here are five possible reasons.

Lack of Physical Attraction

It might sound superficial and cliché, but men generally place more emphasis on physical appearance than women when determining attraction. So, if you aren’t getting a lot of attention from men, it could boil down to your looks.

I want to add, however, that most men don’t demand perfection and the vast majority of women get into relationships, even if they don’t have supermodel good looks. If you’re chronically single, odds are your looks have less to do with it than you think. In fact, I tell women to look inside before looking outside.

But, if you want to improve your looks, you can make small, but simple changes like taking better care of your skin, going to the gym more often, getting a better haircut, and updating your makeup.

You Have A Bad Attitude

If you’re asking why do guys not like me and you’re even at least minimally physically attractive, then the problem could lie with your attitude. Most men, especially the quality ones, don’t want to put up with drama, negativity, and hassle.

Every good man I know wants to date someone who is kind, friendly, positive, smart, and ambitious. If your personality needs work, then it might be why men don’t like you. Keep in mind, you also might not be properly marketing yourself.

You might think you’re “sassy” or “speak fluent sarcasm.” But, the guys you meet might just think you’re rude, especially if they don’t see your nicer side emerge.

The most important factor in successful relationships is kindness. Work on being more kind and you will be more likely to find a good man to settle down with for a relationship.

You’re Too Shy

The other day, I saw a mismatched couple. She was beautiful, while he looked, well, let’s just say not attractive. I wondered how he dated such a beautiful woman, then I remembered that fortune, like dating, favors the bold. He obviously had a chance and took it. Dating is often as simple as being noticed or taking the initiative.

If guys don’t like you, you might come across as stuck-up or unapproachable. You could really be shy or awkward, but men perceive that as rudeness or lack of interest.

Ask friends and acquaintances how you “come across” to others. If the feedback is that you appear unfriendly and stuck up, then it’s time to fix that!

The good news is that you can make a few small changes to be more approachable. Smiling, opening up your body language, and trying to initiate conversations are all good starts.

You’re Not Around Them

A friend of mine told me that no one liked him and I couldn’t believe that he would have so much trouble dating. But, the reality was that he approached a couple of women at clubs, they both told him “no,” and he assumed that no one liked him.

Before you ask why guys don’t like you, the best course of action is to look at your sample size. Do you know a lot of guys? Do you go out and try to meet people? Have you taken initiative with men and been rejected?

In most cases, people who generalize that no one likes them haven’t really “put themselves out there” in any meaningful way. For example, if you sit at home every weekend, never socialize at work, and refuse to hang out with an extended friend group, why do you expect to be flooded with offers from attractive men?

Extend your sample size of guys by meeting more of them and opening yourself up to real social interaction with them. When you do this, you’ll find that more guys like you than you think!

You Exclude Them

A few years ago, I had an attractive, successful coaching client. When we first met, she asked me “why do guys not like me?” Of course, I couldn’t believe that no guys liked her. After a few questions, I discovered that she got tons of likes on Bumble, received many direct messages through her Instagram, and guys wouldn’t leave her alone at the club.

When she said men didn’t like her, she meant the guys she liked the most didn’t like her back. She only received attention from men she couldn’t stand. This might be your issue. It certainly feels like no one likes you, but, in reality, the “wrong” people just like you.

If this is your situation, I’d recommend opening your mind to some of the guys who do talk to you. Sure, you don’t want to date an unattractive loser. But, if someone talks to you in person or likes you on a dating app and he seems like he could be a good partner and is generally attractive, give him a chance.

If you open your mind and your eyes to the men around you, especially those trying to get to know you, you’ll find that, while many of them are awful, some could be diamonds in the rough.

You just have to give them the smallest chance to find out! You can always turn them down later, but, at least you tried.

So, if guys don’t like you, these could be the reasons. The good news is that, in most cases, with a few small changes, you can attract the men you like and get into a relationship.

January 11, 2020
What Is Self-Partnering and Why You Should Consider It

Emma Watson has recently been in the news for claiming that she is very happy living the single life and considers herself to be “self-partnered.” This resulted in a lot of news coverage and internet commentary, not all of it positive.

While some observers praised her for her position, many people, especially on social media, mocked the idea of self-partnering, considering it unnatural or ridiculous.

This discussion has caused many to ask, what is self-partnering?

Self-partnering means focusing your time, energy, and commitment to yourself rather than someone else. You are complete and whole without another person. Being self-partnered allows you to embrace the single life and lets you be happy without a romantic relationship. Essentially, you’re in a relationship with yourself.

You might think this is absurd and even insane. How could Emma Watson, a beautiful Hollywood actress who could have any man in the world, not only be single, but want to be single?

As a dating and relationship coach, I believe in love and relationships. But, I also agree with Emma Watson. More people need to embrace singleness, be single for periods of time (sometimes long ones), and try self-partnering. Here’s why.

Single People Are Happy

You might not believe it, but research shows that single people are happy. Just because someone doesn’t have a partner doesn’t mean he or she is destined to live a life of misery.

Getting married didn’t lead to an increase in overall happiness or self-esteem according to one study. Other research shows that single people become happier as their lives progress. Single people also had more social connections than people who were married and experienced the benefits.

You might think you need a partner to be happy, but is it really true? Or, are you just buying into a lie promoted through movies and popular culture?

The reality is that many single people are happy, functional, and not lonely at all.

Being Single Has Benefits

A good friend of mine got married and disappeared from my life. It turns out no one else saw him either. He worked all day, went home where he did household chores, and finally went to bed. He only hung out with his wife and later, her and the kids.

He gave up his hobbies, friends, and life goals. It wasn’t until his divorce years later that he finally put his life back on track.

Being single has many benefits. You have more money and freedom. You can pursue your own hobbies, goals, and interests. You don’t have to “answer” to anyone or feel guilty for doing what you love. Oh, and you can see your friends without apology!

Relationships Can Be Overrated

When you see a bunch of perfect photos and relationship statuses on social media, you might think you’re seeing evidence of a perfect relationship. You also might get a little jealous, wishing you could have such an amazing relationship.

But, the truth is that relationships aren’t always that great. Many of them involve abuse, cheating, boredom, and sexual frustration. You don’t see that harsh reality on social media where people hide behind the smiles and positive quotations.

Also, research shows that many people get into relationships for very unromantic reasons.

A YouGov study showed that only 48 percent of people married because they thought their partner was their soulmate. Additionally, only 73 percent of people married for love. These stats show that many relationships occur for very unromantic and less than idealistic reasons.

Relationships Won’t Make You Happy

In the past, I truly believed that I needed someone else to be complete. When I was single at university, I told myself that if I had a girlfriend, everything would just fall into place. I could solve my problems, find motivation, and finally be happy.

The reality? Getting a girlfriend didn’t solve my problems and even created a few new ones!

One study concluded that 17 percent of people are happy in their relationships! More optimistic research pointed out that only 40 percent of people are happy being paired up. The grass isn’t always greener.

I’m not saying that relationships can’t be good and can’t make life better. But, ultimately, being in a relationship isn’t going to solve deep rooted problems. And, if you can’t be happy single, you’ll find reasons to be unhappy with a partner too.

You Need A Break

If you’re asking what is self-partnering, you might just be exhausted with dating and relationships in general.

Maybe you’re used to jumping from relationship to relationship and that no longer gives you a sense of joy. I know people who have never been truly single a day in their adult life. Even when they broke up with someone, they were already talking to a new person the next day. They need a break.

You also could just be utterly fed up with dating. The constant matching and messaging, lousy dates, and bad behavior (ghosting, catfishing, etc.) have taken the joy of out of finding love. In fact, you might believe you won’t even find love at all!

If you are exhausted from relationships and dating, then being single can be a breath of fresh air. You can focus on yourself, enjoy life, and step away from the toxicity of the dating world.

And, by working on yourself and enjoying life, you’re making yourself a better, more whole person.

And, guess what that does? It makes you more likely to get into a better and happier relationship by shedding an attitude of neediness and giving you more genuine confidence.

So, Emma Watson might not be crazy, after all. In fact, she has discovered something very important.

If you need to step back from dating, detox from bad relationships, or simply learn to love yourself more, our “Embracing Your Singleness” course will change your life! Click here and use coupon code SELFPARTNER to pay only $14.99 (normally $39.99) for this life changing course.

Also, be sure to check out our other article Five Reasons Why It’s Okay To Be Single!

November 13, 2019
5 Reasons Why It’s Okay To Be Single

I decided to update this article, since it is officially National Singles Week (the third week in September).

For most people, being single is synonymous with being a failure. The expectation is that if you’re single, you must absolutely hate it. And, people (particularly women) will pity you, or perhaps even judge you, because they assume if you’re single, you can’t get someone to like you and must be lonely.

And, many single people feel this way. Single people feel left out, like failures, and this makes just the simple act of being single seem depressing and lonely. This can get particularly bad if all your friends are displaying all their relationship photos and milestones on social media, and you don’t have anybody to “show off.”

When I was a teacher, a student once told me that when she first saw me, she felt sorry for me because I didn’t have a wedding ring on. While I was in a relationship at this time, it’s funny how even though she said her initial impression of me was really positive as a successful and fun person, she still felt sorry for me because she thought I was single!

So, I promise you, it’s okay to be single! In fact, it may even be a good thing you’re single. And, I’m of the opinion that most people would be far happier being single than being in most of the relationships they are in.

And, here are five reason reasons why being single is okay!

1. Being single is better than being with a dud

Look around at all your friends in relationships. Are they really happy? You know that “I hate being single so I’ll pretty much pair up with the first person who comes along” attitude you may sometimes have when you’re extra lonely? Well, many of your friends are probably married to people whose main qualification was being “the first person who happened to come along.” In my capacity as a dating and relationship expert, I can tell you that many people are deeply unhappy in relationships, and would be single if they didn’t have attachment issues or fear being alone.

And, after a few years, many of these friends are envying you for being single. Many of them are resenting coming home to a partner who has likely let themselves go, works too much, and hasn’t wanted sex for years. They want to be single.

2. You don’t need “permission” to do anything

I know a lot of men and women who can’t so much as go to the bathroom without notifying their significant others. Now, this may be a slight exaggeration, but how many times have you wanted to do something truly fun or exciting, and you checked with your partner only to get a “no?” Perhaps they did say “yes,” but then they started acting so passive-aggressively to make you feel guilty that you knew they really meant “no.”

It’s not fun to need permission to do the things that make you alive and happy. If you’re single, the only person you need to ask permission from is yourself.

3. You probably are closer with family, friends, and your community

One study found that single people were more connected socially than people in relationships, who tended to focus their social time with their partners. Single people had more lively friendships, family connections, and community connections. It isn’t a surprise, because research shows that when you get into a romantic relationship you lose an average of two friends.

So, while your partnered friends go home to a person sitting on the couch who grunts at them, single people are more likely to be having fun with friends and family and out in the community. Sadly, it’s my experience that when my friends and I are in relationships, we rarely see each other. That’s a shame because while romantic relationships often come and go, friendships are more lasting.

4. You can enjoy your hobbies again

It’s kind of funny how I can always tell when people are about to be single – or are single – because they start to do the things they enjoy again. Runners start running again. Hobbyists start doing their hobbies. And, everyone doing these hobbies seems pretty happy…until they meet someone romantically and stop doing their hobbies once again. It’s kind of a crazy cycle.

So, being single you’re able to enjoy the hobbies that make you happy and fulfilled.

5. You can chase your dreams

The other day I was on Twitter and noticed a former student who was set to go to a major university studying in the field of her dreams wasn’t going to that school anymore. Then, I noticed she made that decision based on staying with her boyfriend, who went to a more local college. I have mixed views about prioritizing careers and relationships: I can see the benefits of making life choices based on both. I am no fan of the idea that abandoning an important person for a career will make you happy.

However, to abandon your dreams for a romantic partner, especially one you may not even know very well, seems pretty limiting. So, if you’re single, your friends are thinking about the best way to compromise with someone who may or may not be on the same page as them, while you’re free to pursue your dreams.

So, as you can see, it’s okay to be single. There are a lot of benefits to it, and your life may even be happier than when you’re in relationships. Enjoy your singleness and have some fun!

September 17, 2019