What Is Self-Partnering and Why You Should Consider It

woman in dress with heart balloonEmma Watson has recently been in the news for claiming that she is very happy living the single life and considers herself to be “self-partnered.” This resulted in a lot of news coverage and internet commentary, not all of it positive.

While some observers praised her for her position, many people, especially on social media, mocked the idea of self-partnering, considering it unnatural or ridiculous.

This discussion has caused many to ask, what is self-partnering?

Self-partnering means focusing your time, energy, and commitment to yourself rather than someone else. You are complete and whole without another person. Being self-partnered allows you to embrace the single life and lets you be happy without a romantic relationship. Essentially, you’re in a relationship with yourself.

You might think this is absurd and even insane. How could Emma Watson, a beautiful Hollywood actress who could have any man in the world, not only be single, but want to be single?

As a dating and relationship coach, I believe in love and relationships. But, I also agree with Emma Watson. More people need to embrace singleness, be single for periods of time (sometimes long ones), and try self-partnering. Here’s why.

Single People Are Happy

You might not believe it, but research shows that single people are happy. Just because someone doesn’t have a partner doesn’t mean he or she is destined to live a life of misery.

Getting married didn’t lead to an increase in overall happiness or self-esteem according to one study. Other research shows that single people become happier as their lives progress. Single people also had more social connections than people who were married and experienced the benefits.

You might think you need a partner to be happy, but is it really true? Or, are you just buying into a lie promoted through movies and popular culture?

The reality is that many single people are happy, functional, and not lonely at all.

Being Single Has Benefits

A good friend of mine got married and disappeared from my life. It turns out no one else saw him either. He worked all day, went home where he did household chores, and finally went to bed. He only hung out with his wife and later, her and the kids.

He gave up his hobbies, friends, and life goals. It wasn’t until his divorce years later that he finally put his life back on track.

Being single has many benefits. You have more money and freedom. You can pursue your own hobbies, goals, and interests. You don’t have to “answer” to anyone or feel guilty for doing what you love. Oh, and you can see your friends without apology!

Relationships Can Be Overrated

When you see a bunch of perfect photos and relationship statuses on social media, you might think you’re seeing evidence of a perfect relationship. You also might get a little jealous, wishing you could have such an amazing relationship.

upset woman in bed with man under the coversBut, the truth is that relationships aren’t always that great. Many of them involve abuse, cheating, boredom, and sexual frustration. You don’t see that harsh reality on social media where people hide behind the smiles and positive quotations.

Also, research shows that many people get into relationships for very unromantic reasons.

A YouGov study showed that only 48 percent of people married because they thought their partner was their soulmate. Additionally, only 73 percent of people married for love. These stats show that many relationships occur for very unromantic and less than idealistic reasons.

Relationships Won’t Make You Happy

In the past, I truly believed that I needed someone else to be complete. When I was single at university, I told myself that if I had a girlfriend, everything would just fall into place. I could solve my problems, find motivation, and finally be happy.

The reality? Getting a girlfriend didn’t solve my problems and even created a few new ones!

One study concluded that 17 percent of people are happy in their relationships! More optimistic research pointed out that only 40 percent of people are happy being paired up. The grass isn’t always greener.

I’m not saying that relationships can’t be good and can’t make life better. But, ultimately, being in a relationship isn’t going to solve deep rooted problems. And, if you can’t be happy single, you’ll find reasons to be unhappy with a partner too.

You Need A Break

If you’re asking what is self-partnering, you might just be exhausted with dating and relationships in general.

Maybe you’re used to jumping from relationship to relationship and that no longer gives you a sense of joy. I know people who have never been truly single a day in their adult life. Even when they broke up with someone, they were already talking to a new person the next day. They need a break.

You also could just be utterly fed up with dating. The constant matching and messaging, lousy dates, and bad behavior (ghosting, catfishing, etc.) have taken the joy of out of finding love. In fact, you might believe you won’t even find love at all!

If you are exhausted from relationships and dating, then being single can be a breath of fresh air. You can focus on yourself, enjoy life, and step away from the toxicity of the dating world.

And, by working on yourself and enjoying life, you’re making yourself a better, more whole person.

woman reaching up to the skyAnd, guess what that does? It makes you more likely to get into a better and happier relationship by shedding an attitude of neediness and giving you more genuine confidence.

So, Emma Watson might not be crazy, after all. In fact, she has discovered something very important.

If you need to step back from dating, detox from bad relationships, or simply learn to love yourself more, our “Embracing Your Singleness” course will change your life! Click here and use coupon code SELFPARTNER to pay only $14.99 (normally $39.99) for this life changing course.

Also, be sure to check out our other article Five Reasons Why It’s Okay To Be Single!

About the Author

Jonathan Bennett

Jonathan Bennett

Jonathan Bennett is a writer, speaker, and dating/relationship expert. He's helped millions through his articles, speaking, consulting, and coaching. He's appeared in over 500 major publications, including Business Insider, The Wall Street Journal, and Psychology Today.

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