Why Do Guys Go Cold After A Breakup? 5 Reasons

sad woman in black and whiteWhenever friends break up, I always get a call. They are going through a lot of emotions, including love, hate, fear, and sadness. They want to talk to me, not as a dating coach, but as a friend.

If they were dumped, they usually want their ex back. If they did the breaking up, they want to move on. But, they almost always still have some feelings for their ex and hope to remain civil or possibly even friends.

But, in most cases, their ex is distant. They wonder why do guys go cold after a breakup? It makes the whole process even more difficult and emotional. This article will explain why men can be cold and distant after breaking up.

Breaking Up Hurts

When I was in eighth grade I went through appendicitis and needed my appendix removed. An ex girlfriend also dumped me. Honestly, the appendicitis hurt less.

Breaking up is painful, but not just in the way that you think. When a relationship ends, you not only experience mental pain like anxiety and depression, but physical problems like chest pain.

Breaking up has been compared to going through drug withdrawal, which is accurate. When you’re in love, your brain release all kinds of feel good chemicals. When you break up, your brain no longer releases them and your body can’t can’t cope. You feel terrible.

If a guy goes cold after a breakup, it could be due to the pain he is feeling. He is suffering and it pushes him away from you.

He Is Confused

Since breaking up wreaks havoc on the brain, he might not even know what he feels, especially immediately following the split. Anyone who has been through a break up can tell you that thinking straight isn’t always easy. Personally, after a relationship ends my brain enters a fog for a few days.

What seems like coldness might really just be a need for space or time to process his feelings. If he isn’t responding to you or seems distant, remember that the whole process is likely traumatic and he will need a few days to fully understand what happened.

Sometimes, after a few days pass, he could be less cold and distant and might want to engage you again. But, you have to give him time.

He Wants To Move On

I’ve worked with many coaching clients who are stuck on an ex. They constantly think about him and some even go back for hookups with the ex. That never ends well because the hot and cold approach just leaves them confused and unhappy.

Many people, both men and women, prefer a clean break when a relationship ends. So, they might block you or unfriend you on social media and not respond to your texts. This might seem cold or distant, but it’s really just your ex’s effort to move on.

All people are different and, even if your ex still feels some love towards you, he might put himself at a distance so that he can put the relationship fully in the past.

Love Turns To Hate

You might be asking why do guys go cold after a breakup because you wonder how he could stop loving you so quickly. In fact, you might even feel like he hates you!

I have some unsettling news. The part of the brain that registers the feeling of love is also the area responsible for feelings of hate. This research means that it’s possible for the passionate love you both shared to turn into passionate hate. The hate, in a sense, pushes out the love.

If he went cold and distant, it’s possible that his brain chemistry shifted and he no longer feels any love at all. And, if he feels resentment towards you, that will usually manifest itself in cutting you off and acting in a distant way.

He Still Loves You

I have a few exes whom I still love in some fashion. We broke up for external reasons and couldn’t be together. But, since I can’t be with them now for various reasons, I have to keep my emotional distance. It’s not because I feel hate. I am cold to protect myself.

If your ex-boyfriend or ex-husband is distant, he might still love you in some way. If, however, he can’t be in a relationship with you (e.g. you’re married), then he knows he has to keep his distance.

man with beard looking out a windowOr, he might feel that you both aren’t good for each other. As much as he feels love, he knows that dating each other is a bad idea. And, if he tries to reconnect with you, it will end in disaster. He stays distant because if he got close, he couldn’t resist and would get into a toxic situation.

Whatever his reasons for being cold, remember that a break up usually means gaining a sense of closure. Even if he still loves you deep down, you can’t count on him acting on it.

If he is cold to you, the best thing to do is find someone else to love who will give you the warmth and emotional connection that you need rather than trying to reconnect with someone who doesn’t want your attention.

About the Author

Jonathan Bennett

Jonathan Bennett

Jonathan Bennett is a writer, speaker, and dating/relationship expert. He's helped millions through his articles, speaking, consulting, and coaching. He's appeared in over 500 major publications, including Business Insider, The Wall Street Journal, and Psychology Today.

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *