5 Reasons Why It’s Okay To Be Single
I decided to update this article, since it is officially National Singles Week (the third week in September).
For most people, being single is synonymous with being a failure. The expectation is that if you’re single, you must absolutely hate it. And, people (particularly women) will pity you, or perhaps even judge you, because they assume if you’re single, you can’t get someone to like you and must be lonely.
And, many single people feel this way. Single people feel left out, like failures, and this makes just the simple act of being single seem depressing and lonely. This can get particularly bad if all your friends are displaying all their relationship photos and milestones on social media, and you don’t have anybody to “show off.”
When I was a teacher, a student once told me that when she first saw me, she felt sorry for me because I didn’t have a wedding ring on. While I was in a relationship at this time, it’s funny how even though she said her initial impression of me was really positive as a successful and fun person, she still felt sorry for me because she thought I was single!
So, I promise you, it’s okay to be single! In fact, it may even be a good thing you’re single. And, I’m of the opinion that most people would be far happier being single than being in most of the relationships they are in.
And, here are five reason reasons why being single is okay!
1. Being single is better than being with a dud
Look around at all your friends in relationships. Are they really happy? You know that “I hate being single so I’ll pretty much pair up with the first person who comes along” attitude you may sometimes have when you’re extra lonely? Well, many of your friends are probably married to people whose main qualification was being “the first person who happened to come along.” In my capacity as a dating and relationship expert, I can tell you that many people are deeply unhappy in relationships, and would be single if they didn’t have attachment issues or fear being alone.
And, after a few years, many of these friends are envying you for being single. Many of them are resenting coming home to a partner who has likely let themselves go, works too much, and hasn’t wanted sex for years. They want to be single.
2. You don’t need “permission” to do anything
I know a lot of men and women who can’t so much as go to the bathroom without notifying their significant others. Now, this may be a slight exaggeration, but how many times have you wanted to do something truly fun or exciting, and you checked with your partner only to get a “no?” Perhaps they did say “yes,” but then they started acting so passive-aggressively to make you feel guilty that you knew they really meant “no.”
It’s not fun to need permission to do the things that make you alive and happy. If you’re single, the only person you need to ask permission from is yourself.
3. You probably are closer with family, friends, and your community
One study found that single people were more connected socially than people in relationships, who tended to focus their social time with their partners. Single people had more lively friendships, family connections, and community connections. It isn’t a surprise, because research shows that when you get into a romantic relationship you lose an average of two friends.
So, while your partnered friends go home to a person sitting on the couch who grunts at them, single people are more likely to be having fun with friends and family and out in the community. Sadly, it’s my experience that when my friends and I are in relationships, we rarely see each other. That’s a shame because while romantic relationships often come and go, friendships are more lasting.
4. You can enjoy your hobbies again
It’s kind of funny how I can always tell when people are about to be single – or are single – because they start to do the things they enjoy again. Runners start running again. Hobbyists start doing their hobbies. And, everyone doing these hobbies seems pretty happy…until they meet someone romantically and stop doing their hobbies once again. It’s kind of a crazy cycle.
So, being single you’re able to enjoy the hobbies that make you happy and fulfilled.
5. You can chase your dreams
The other day I was on Twitter and noticed a former student who was set to go to a major university studying in the field of her dreams wasn’t going to that school anymore. Then, I noticed she made that decision based on staying with her boyfriend, who went to a more local college. I have mixed views about prioritizing careers and relationships: I can see the benefits of making life choices based on both. I am no fan of the idea that abandoning an important person for a career will make you happy.
However, to abandon your dreams for a romantic partner, especially one you may not even know very well, seems pretty limiting. So, if you’re single, your friends are thinking about the best way to compromise with someone who may or may not be on the same page as them, while you’re free to pursue your dreams.
So, as you can see, it’s okay to be single. There are a lot of benefits to it, and your life may even be happier than when you’re in relationships. Enjoy your singleness and have some fun!