How To Get Over Your Crush: 5 Tips to Move On
As a freshman in high school, I had a crush on a senior. We never dated, but my feelings were strong and intense. Even now, years later, I occasionally browse her social media and some of the feelings return.
When you have a crush on someone, the brain releases an abundance of feel good chemicals like dopamine and serotonin. You feel on top of the world!
But, if you can’t have your crush, your brain goes through withdrawal and grief, leading to anxiety, loneliness, and even physical symptoms that mimic the flu. The pain is why so many people ask how to get over your crush.
Moving on isn’t easy. If you dated your crush or had sex with them, it can be even more complicated. But, you can move past your crush and find love with someone else. Here are five tips to do it.
Block On Social Media
The brain works through reinforcement and the more you do any action, the more it turns into a habit or even an addiction. So, the more you think about your crush, look at their photos, and stalk their social media, the harder it will be to get over them.
Social media makes it super easy to keep up with everything about someone’s life. It allows you to see everything about your crush in vivid detail. But, if you can’t have your crush, you’re only reminding yourself of what you can’t have.
To fully get over your crush, you’ll have to put them out of sight and out of mind. Unless you’re an extremely strong person, this means blocking them on social media. This isn’t to be mean or hurtful, but is for your own sanity.
Most people today have a lot of “down time,” which is terrible if you overthink and use that time to focus on your crush.
Remember that our brains reinforce what we do regularly over time. But, the opposite is true too. As we do new things and build new brain wiring, the old patterns get weaker and we reinforce new routines. So, by keeping busy with hobbies, friends, and other activities, you keep your mind off of your crush. Eventually, you move on.
If you don’t know what to do in your spare time, then look all around you. The world is filled with interesting activities and hobbies. Look on various event websites or apps and try something new. Go to festivals and concerts. Learn a new skill. Take a class. Talk to friends and see what they enjoy and love.
Not only will doing this help you get over your crush, it will also make you a better, more well-rounded person.
List Your Crush’s Flaws
When I was in high school, I turned down the Homecoming Queen for a date! She was nice and pretty, but I had a crush on another girl. Looking back, I was an idiot, especially since I never actually went out with my crush.
When we develop a crush on someone, our brain chemistry creates what is called the halo effect, which causes us to only see the good in that person, not the flaws. This means that you probably see your crush as nearly “perfect.” Yet, you see the flaws of other people clearly.
This exercise might seem odd, but take out a piece of paper and list out your crush’s flaws. Be brutally honest. If you can’t think of any, ask your friends. I’m sure they can see your crush’s flaws more clearly.
Maybe he’s rude and insensitive. Perhaps she is stuck up and seeks attention on social media. Even if you have to go with general things like “he probably has zits on his butt” and “her poop stinks,” write those down.
This isn’t meant to put down your crush or imply they’re a bad person. It’s just to let you see the truth: your crush isn’t perfect and is, in the end, no better than everyone else.
I look back on my refusal to go out with the Homecoming Queen with a lot of regret. I’m sure you can recall times you refused to give someone a chance because of your feelings for your crush. The only way to get past that is to go out and date new people.
As you meet a variety of new people, you’ll definitely find that a lot of them are boring and unattractive. But, you’ll also find those who are fun, exciting, attractive, and make you feel good.
By going out and meeting new people, you’re reinforcing a new pattern, which is that good, attractive men and women exist in the real world. When you get out of your head and into reality, good things happen!
Retrain Your Brain
I’ve talked a lot about the role of the brain in learning how to get over your crush. It’s because your crush lives in your head and your limbic brain doesn’t want to let go. So, you’re going to have to constantly retrain your brain.
In many cases, simply being aware that your feelings towards your crush are irrational is a good start. Going back to their list of flaws is helpful too.
Taking charge of your brain is very important when meeting new people. They will seemed flawed and inferior, especially compared to your crush. But, you have to combat those feelings. Remind yourself that your crush has flaws and that the person you’ve met has many good traits too.
Open yourself up the joy, love, and passion other people can bring into your life. Don’t rush to judge. Instead, immerse yourself in new emotional experiences.
This will retrain your brain to fall in love with someone new. You’ll experience the amazing feelings of a new crush with another person while letting go of the old.
These tips should help you get over a crush. However, if you have depression, anxiety, or feel hopeless, seek out professional help. In many cases, love for a crush can turn toxic and unhealthy and require professional help.