For those who are unaware, we are entering that time known as cuffing season. Supposedly, people who normally enjoy the freedom of being single or “dating around” decide to settle into a more traditional relationship during the fall and winter months. They are “cuffed” or tied down to another person.
You’ll see a lot about this in the media and shared on socials. But, is cuffing season real? After all, if cuffing season was grounded in reality and supported by science and studies, wouldn’t it be pretty obvious?
While cuffing season is largely a popular culture phenomenon rather than a scientific one, you’ll be surprised to know that cuffing season is real and backed by facts.
Kind of.
This article will explain why the desire to settle down increases as the days get shorter and the temperatures dip.
Cabin Fever
In many places, the climate decides a lot of our activities and we make plans based on the weather. In colder climates, especially those with inclement weather, human activity gets pushed indoors, which can limit interaction with other people.
For many men and women, winters are lonely and isolating, made worse by the fact that holidays like Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, and Valentine’s Day all fall during this period.
It might be subconscious or conscious, but many people don’t like to be single during the winter and cuffing season is the time to lay the foundations to ensure a solid relationship when the weather gets cold and gloomy.
Testosterone
Testosterone is the chemical that drives a lot of relationship dynamics. In men, higher testosterone leads to greater sex drive. Women find men with higher testosterone in general more attractive.
Guess when men typically have higher testosterone? During the fall and winter. Testosterone levels in guys peak in October/November and remain elevated throughout winter.
So, that guy who is content playing video games and hanging out with his friends during the summer will likely see his T levels rise during the fall.
Guys might not know if cuffing season is real, but their hormones tell them it’s time to pursue a partner. And, when they do, the odds are good that, with the raised testosterone, the women in their life will see them as more attractive.
Sperm Count
If you have a birthday in August or September and it seems like you know a ton of people with birthdays in those months too, you’re onto an interesting fact relating to birth and conception: the late fall/early winter months are the most common time for babies to be conceived.
While scientists aren’t sure exactly why this occurs, there is a theory that the summer heat lowers sperm counts. And, when the air starts to cool down, the counts rise, which means better chances for conceiving a viable baby.
Is cuffing season real? The evolutionary desire to pair up and mate when sperm counts are higher following summer could explain a lot.
Social Pressure
Have you seen the Christmas movie where the woman tries to date, but ends up horribly single on Christmas? How many Christmas cards feature the photo of a single guy in front of the fireplace (except maybe as a joke)? Those sleigh rides alone are a blast, aren’t they?
There is a lot of pressure to be “in a relationship” during the holidays. This can come from popular culture (e.g. romantic Christmas songs/movies), but also from family and friends. In addition, if you don’t have a “plus one,” it can even make doing a lot of holiday activities less festive or even difficult.
Because of this, a lot of people don’t want to be alone during the holidays. They shift their focus away from being single or dating around towards something a little more stable.
Even if they don’t really want to be tied down, they also might not want to be “that person” who goes stag to holiday parties or appears alone in holiday photos.
So, you can see how cuffing season is kind of real. But, don’t feel bad if you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend for fall. The person of your dreams can come to you at any time or season. And, you can commit when you’re ready, not simply jump into a bad relationship just because the leaves are changing colors.
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Seriously. What in the hell? Was there an actual human typing there or just a very poorly programmed bot?
Being engaging means taking an interest in the person, expressing it sufficiently (use sentences for goodness sake), and encouraging follow-up questions and comments. For example, if they just texted you about their raise at work, being engaging means asking them how they got it. Or what they plan to do with the money. And, offering a congratulations in addition to this is engaging too (and likely to generate a positive emotion).
A bride texts her ex-boyfriend (a jobless heroin addict) on her wedding day
I know people who constantly check up on their exes. Maybe you’re one of them. They check their ex’s Twitter, Instagram, and other social media constantly. And, when they do that, they overthink and it can adversely impact their entire mood.
This relates a lot to the 
In the past, people would connect based on chemistry. Chemistry had to be there from the beginning, because that’s what would spark the whole relationship process. When I met Brooke, my girlfriend during my senior year of high school, it began with chemistry. We flirted in the computer lab and I knew at that moment we would be dating soon. The chemistry was clear.
Some people would say basing a relationship on chemistry is bad, but I disagree. Chemistry is the natural evolutionary determinant of a romantic connection. I am not suggesting going by chemistry alone (
On the other hand, people are pretty predictable. It’s not likely a boring guy on two dates is going to show up and be an exciting guy the third, or take your mind off of the guy you really want, like your boss or some ex you never stopped thinking about.
As a guy I can tell you that there’s nothing better than waking up, checking your phone, and receiving a fun, flirty, sexy, or loving “good morning” text.
“I’m so grateful for you.”
These planning texts (for lack of a better phrase) are designed to plan an event or express your anticipation of something you’ve already planned (like a date).
There is a lot written about “dating down” on the internet, probably because it’s pretty easy to tell when you’re dating beneath you. However, there isn’t as much on “dating up.” In fact, the whole concept is surrounded by an aura of impossibility.
It can mean dating someone older, with more education, greater stability, and in a higher class. But, don’t count out the person who has age, maturity, and money seeing dating up as being with someone younger, more carefree, and unconcerned with material possessions.
Fourth, believe in yourself. If you feel like you can’t compete with people who are out of your league, that attitude won’t get you anywhere. Even if you do date up, you’re going to feel self-conscious and inferior. Focus on your good qualities and why you deserve the best.
Thousands upon thousands of articles have been written about red flags and why not to date someone. However, I’ve discovered that constantly looking for red flags can actually be counterproductive.
I once went on a date with a woman who ordered drinks and left a whopping tip of ten cents. She definitely had the money to give more, but refused. To me that said a lot. And, sure enough, 
A friend of mine dated a guy who would never share how he was feeling. He said it wasn’t manly and just clammed up when she’d ask him. Of course, his feelings were obvious when he’d get agitated over something small and explode in rage every couple of months or so.
When I was single in my 20s, I would always think of the next big place I could go to meet women. Then I’d get there and it would never live up to what I thought it would be. My experience as a dating coach has led me to the same conclusion. There are no truly amazing places to meet people, at least if you define “places” as locations that create the perfect situation for you.
A lot of singles are looking into 
The problem is that most people are at the gym to work out and leave. And, since everyone usually has headphones in, it’s definitely a challenging place to meet others.
Bars and clubs are a real mixed bag. Bars suffer from a whole host of problems but also have a lot of opportunity. One main positive is that alcohol tends to loosen people up (in fact 
I have met quite a few people at concerts. They can often be fun, carefree events where everybody guaranteed has a common interest: the artist. And, you’re around a lot of people and often jam-packed next to them, so they have no choice but to be up close and personal.
I’ll go a little “mind blowing” for this last one. The best place to meet people is wherever you want. I say this assuming you’re socially aware, not creepy, and understand social context (in other words, no, I don’t mean walking into a wedding and asking out someone about to get married).
When many people think about “random approaches” they envision a witty opener followed by perfectly rehearsed dialog. While that can be a plus, more often than not it comes across as canned and awkward.
So, I often suggest things that seem obvious to me, like trying to meet the cute co-worker they’ve been eyeing for months. Or, making a deeper connection with the server or cashier they see a few times a week. Maybe even finally talking to that guy or gal they’ve had their eye on at the gym. I’ll even recommend starting a conversation with someone standing next to them in line.
es, you can flirt with a server, especially ones you see all the time. I’ve gotten contact information from multiple servers and cashiers. Some turned out to be great friends and a few turned into dates.
Imagine if you’re at the grocery store and you see a cute person wearing a T-shirt with your favorite band. You want to say something, and may even be fantasizing about a life spent with them. But, now think about actually approaching them.
We actually both started laughing. His exact response was “dude, you have to go up to some women and say that because that was the best feeling in the world! That was hilarious.” I’m sure we’ll even talk about it the next time we meet.
While that aspect was pretty lucky, that’s where “luck” ended and his mindset took over. Most guys would probably never have noticed the date was going badly. They would have been buried in their phones. Most guys would have considered approaching that woman to be “inappropriate” and maybe even told themselves “she just wants to be left alone in this moment” or “she doesn’t want some stranger bothering her at a time like that.” And, most guys, if they did approach, likely wouldn’t have had the guts to ask her out. So was this guy “lucky?”