9 Relationship and Dating Green Flags To Find An Amazing Partner
Thousands upon thousands of articles have been written about red flags and why not to date someone. However, I’ve discovered that constantly looking for red flags can actually be counterproductive.
No one is perfect and you will absolutely find red flags. This can often lead to a “build the perfect partner” mentality where good people are discarded if there is even a hint of imperfection. So, rather than trying to root out flaws like a detective, it’s better to look at relationship green flags instead–the positive traits that lead to a successful long term partnership.
I want to add that these dating green flags assume you’re already attracted. Obviously, attraction is the important first step. When you feel that raw passion, you can also look for those positive qualities that make sure the person who gives you butterflies is also a great long term partner. This article will help you!
Communication is one of the most important factors in a successful relationship. If you want love to last, you’d better find someone who can communicate. The good news is that it’s easy to see this trait early on when you’re dating.
You can tell the person is a good communicator if they text in sentences (vs. one word answers), respond in a timely manner over text, communicate at important moments (e.g. lets you know when they’re running late), and are transparent and open during conversations.
Some of the most negative people I know have pretty good lives. But, they certainly can’t see it. And, no one wants to be with a negative person in the long term. So, how do you find someone who will be happy and positive in a relationship? Date someone who is grateful and shows it!
This is another relationship green flag that is pretty easy to see. Does he say “thank you” to servers, bartenders and baristas? Does she seem genuinely happy when you buy her something like a coffee? Is he content with his life and environment or does he complain about everything?
Good Conflict Resolution
Do you want to have “knock down drag out” fights? Do you like petty solutions to small problems? What about getting the silent treatment? No one likes any of this!
One of the most important green lights in relationships is the ability to resolve conflicts in a positive way, without resorting to pettiness and name calling or worse. Numerous studies have shown that conflict is healthy, but only certain styles of conflict resolution can actually strengthen relationships.
You can see how a person resolves conflicts very early, even on first dates. If you disagree about something, what is her reaction? If the restaurant makes a mistake, does he act calmly and with kindness? Can you both easily come together on date details or are even the smallest details causes of conflict?
I once went on a date with a woman who ordered drinks and left a whopping tip of ten cents. She definitely had the money to give more, but refused. To me that said a lot. And, sure enough, studies show generosity is an important part of relationship success.
Even people without a lot of money can be generous in their own ways. It can come in the form of time, attention, positive feedback, and, of course, money.
Look for how he tips. Look at how she spends her free time and money. Does he volunteer? Does he show appreciation for others in any way he can?
Don’t confuse frugality and economic sense (both good things) with a lack of generosity, however. For example, someone can order inexpensive food items in order to save money while still being generous with the tip.
Drama and games are two major relationship headaches. And, as time goes on, the drama only increases. That’s why one important dating green flag to look for in a partner is assertiveness. If the person is assertive and upfront at the start, you can generally count on that for the entire relationship.
Does he keep his word? Does she tell you when something is bothering her? Is he transparent about his intentions and motives? Does she stand up for herself with family and friends?
Takes Care of Health
Everyone has health issues, so this isn’t a knock on people who suffer from various ailments. The key here is that the person you’re looking to date actually takes care of themselves and want to be healthy and functional. This also includes mental health.
Does he get help when sick? Does she take her anxiety meds? Does he make an effort to eat right? Is she at least minimally active?
People who take care of themselves will make better partners in the long run.
Has Close Friends and Family
The best indicator of having a good future relationship is past and present good relationships. If your date has many happy relationships with friends, co-workers, and family members, it’s a good sign they can get along with others and form deep bonds.
Look for evidence of friends and time spent with them. Does he go out with friends often? Does she seem to get along with her mom and dad and siblings? Does he have a large circle of associates and acquaintances?
No Ex Drama
Another particularly bad date of mine involved a woman who talked about her awful, terrible, narcissistic ex the entire time. I get that he is a jerk. But, she was practically obsessed with him and it was a huge turn off.
The person you’re dating might have a bad ex. But, stable, excellent, and successful individuals don’t spend their time bad mouthing exes and dwelling on the past. If your dates either speak well of their exes or remains neutral about them, it’s a good sign of quality and class.
A friend of mine dated a guy who would never share how he was feeling. He said it wasn’t manly and just clammed up when she’d ask him. Of course, his feelings were obvious when he’d get agitated over something small and explode in rage every couple of months or so.
When looking for green flags in dating, look for emotional availability. Is he willing to tell you how he’s feeling? If you ask her what’s wrong will she tell you or say, “it’s fine,” but yell at you later? Does he seem expressive of emotion or always bottling up things?
There are many more relationship green flags, but these nine are some of the most important and might not always be obvious. But, if you look for them, you’ll know you’ve found a great person, who, in spite of their flaws, will make a great long term partner.
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