5 Signs Your Partner is Emotionally Unavailable

Emotions are an important part of being human. In fact, the best parts of our lives aren’t experienced logically. Falling in love, bonding with friends, feeling accomplished, and simply enjoying life are all deeply emotional.

Yet, some people genuinely struggle to get in touch with their emotions. Sometimes they hide from their emotions to protect themselves from pain. In many cases, a lack of emotion comes from trauma and is a coping mechanism. Whatever the reason, some people avoid “feeling” at all costs.

When you’re in a relationship with someone like this, they also aren’t able to connect to or understand your emotions. They’re emotionally unavailable and it can be very frustrating and can lead to a break up over time. This article will look at five sure signs your partner is emotionally unavailable.

They Don’t Talk About Real Issues

Contrary to popular belief, people who are emotionally unavailable can be very charismatic and good communicators. However, their communication tends to be very shallow and surface level. Because they fear getting in touch with their feelings, they often refuse to have deep conversations or discuss what really matters.

If your partner refuses to talk about important issues in the relationship like commitment, improving the relationship, and, above all, your feelings and needs, it’s a red flag. Think about your conversations with your partner now. If they rarely address the bigger picture or deeper needs, it could be due to emotional unavailability.

They Deflect or Dismiss

Remember that most emotionally unavailable people suppress their own emotions. Discussing yours would cause them to have to possibly confront their own emotions and the reason for suppressing them. And, remember, some of these emotions could trigger awful memories of abuse and trauma. So, they have to find ways to avoid the topic.

Sometimes this can come through changing the subject. They might make jokes or be sarcastic. Other times they might just dismiss your concerns like your feelings don’t matter. In more extreme examples, they can get angry or even abusive. But, at the end of the day, there’s one thing they won’t do: deal with your emotions or theirs.

They Are Bad at Affection

People who shut down their emotions often do so to avoid feeling what they consider “negative” emotions. So, they might not want to feel sadness so they become cold and emotionless. But, when you try to stop a feeling, you end up suppressing all of your feelings.

What happens is that people who want to suppress one emotion end up feeling less of the positive emotions too. This is why a lack of warmth, happiness, and affection are signs that your partner is emotionally unavailable. They simply aren’t capable of it.

They Judge Your Feelings

Remember that someone who is emotionally unavailable can’t or won’t get in touch with their feelings or yours. As a result, they will often judge your feelings or feelings in general. They might tell you that you’re “too emotional” or say things like “suck it up” or even “fake it till you make it.”

They also might label feelings as “negative” and push you to avoid those. So, if you say you’re sad, they’ll say that’s “negative” and to talk about something else. This tactic can be subtle, but it’s a good sign of emotional unavailability.

They Aren’t Supportive

An emotionally unavailable partner usually isn’t very supportive. They might want to be, but since they can’t connect to you emotionally, they can’t give you the full range of support that an emotionally available partner can.

So, you might feel like they aren’t meeting your needs or supporting you. This is probably the biggest sign your partner isn’t emotionally available. You feel lonely and unsupported in the relationship and you don’t know what to do.

If you see these signs, it’s important to find help. Whether it’s therapy for yourself or your partner, especially trauma therapy, it’s important to find a way to heal. If your partner refuses, you might have to move on.