Author: Jonathan Bennett

A few weeks ago, a friend had a Facebook meltdown. He unfriended his wife, changed his profile photo to black, and announced he was “done.” His wife had gone out with a male friend and didn’t give him the attention he felt he deserved. He was jealous.

Jealousy has caused many problems in relationships throughout history, including murder and other violence. But, more often than not, jealousy simply ruins relationships.

Frustrated friends and coaching clients reach out to me and ask why do guys get jealous? This article will explain his behaviors and provide answers.

Immaturity

When I was in high school, my friend sat next to a girl whose boyfriend went to another school. He and this girl would talk and occasionally flirt, but nothing more happened. A few days later, her boyfriend called him up and wanted to fight him!

Jealousy is more common in adolescents, especially those with lower self-esteem. As guys mature, they usually develop greater confidence and emotional maturity. So, a lot of their teenage habits go by the wayside, including strong feelings of jealousy.

If your boyfriend is younger or generally more emotionally immature, then that could be why he gets jealous. As he matures, you’ll hopefully find that his feelings of jealousy fade. But, sadly, age doesn’t always lead to emotional maturity and people can experience extreme feelings of jealousy at any age.

Insecurity

My friend in the opening story had a history of emotional trauma in relationships. He had an ex-girlfriend who cheated on him when he was younger and he went through a nasty divorce that involved restraining orders and custody battles.

Jealousy not only stems from low self-esteem, but also feelings of insecurity in the relationship. He might feel like you could leave at moment, that you’re better than he is, or that you’re inevitably going to cheat.

Keep in mind, in most cases, insecurity comes from past experience. So, you might have a great bond and an amazing relationship, but his past trauma rears its ugly head in the form of insecurity and he gets jealous.

Let me give you an example. You love your boyfriend and have no desire to cheat. But, his previous girlfriend hooked up with a guy at a bar. So, if you go out to a bar with your girlfriends, he assumes that you are also going to cheat on him. Next thing you know, he gets jealous and ruins your evening with your friends.

Fear

Many people think jealousy is the same as envy, but that isn’t true. Envy is when you want what someone else has. Jealousy is fear that someone else will take what you already have. If you’re asking why do guys get jealous, the answer, at the root is fear, especially fear of being replaced.

He is afraid, for whatever reason, that he is going to lose you to someone else. If you’re talking to a guy at work, he fears that you’ll like that guy better. If you go out without him, he worries that you’ll meet someone new. Ironically, when guys get jealous, they push the woman away and they end up losing her.

The opposite of fear in relationships is trust. If he can fully trust you, then most of the jealousy will fade. He won’t care if you go out with friends or meet a new guy at work because he has total faith that you will still come back to him and be loyal.

Like with insecurity, his trust issues might not have anything to do with you. Most problems with trust go back to the past. So, when he acts jealous, he’s taking all of his past experiences where trust was broken–parents, friends, lovers–and applying them to you and the relationship.

Your Past Behaviors

Jealousy can be very ugly and lead to ugly things. If he gets jealous for no good reason, it can lead to many problems in a relationship. And, no woman has to put up with an insecure, jealous jerk.

But, if you’re wondering why do men get jealous, your behavior might be contributing or have contributed in the past.

If you broke trust by lying to him about exes or even went so far as to cheat on him, that breach of trust won’t easily heal even if he says he’s “over it.” While he might have forgiven you, the worry that you will break trust again leads to jealousy in the present.

He also might feel jealous about aspects of your past behavior. For example, if he knew you cheated on someone else years ago or that you felt a deep love for an ex, those could make him guarded in the present. He fears he will lose you.

Brain Chemistry

Ultimately, jealousy is like anything else related to emotion: a function of brain chemistry. Emotions aren’t logical. When we see something infuriating, we don’t have to talk ourselves into anger. We just feel it. The same is true with love, sadness, and other feelings.

Jealousy appears to come from the brain chemical oxytocin. Oddly enough, this is the “cuddle” chemical that creates loving bonds, like between lovers and even mother and child. However, research has shown that oxytocin can also lead to feelings of aggression and ultimately jealousy.

This research doesn’t surprise me at all. It makes total sense that a chemical that bonds would also make people want to preserve and protect that bond. So, when your bond with a guy is threatened (at least in his head), his brain releases chemicals that make him jealous and aggressive towards potential competition for your love.

In the end, excessive jealousy is toxic and brain chemistry is an explanation, not an excuse. If guys get jealous, they ultimately need to find ways to cope with their feelings, even if it involves getting outside help. Also, you don’t have to put up with toxic jealousy. In the end, it will destroy the relationship and make both partners unhappy.

Whenever friends break up, I always get a call. They are going through a lot of emotions, including love, hate, fear, and sadness. They want to talk to me, not as a dating coach, but as a friend.

If they were dumped, they usually want their ex back. If they did the breaking up, they want to move on. But, they almost always still have some feelings for their ex and hope to remain civil or possibly even friends.

But, in most cases, their ex is distant. They wonder why do guys go cold after a breakup? It makes the whole process even more difficult and emotional. This article will explain why men can be cold and distant after breaking up.

Breaking Up Hurts

When I was in eighth grade I went through appendicitis and needed my appendix removed. An ex girlfriend also dumped me. Honestly, the appendicitis hurt less.

Breaking up is painful, but not just in the way that you think. When a relationship ends, you not only experience mental pain like anxiety and depression, but physical problems like chest pain.

Breaking up has been compared to going through drug withdrawal, which is accurate. When you’re in love, your brain release all kinds of feel good chemicals. When you break up, your brain no longer releases them and your body can’t can’t cope. You feel terrible.

If a guy goes cold after a breakup, it could be due to the pain he is feeling. He is suffering and it pushes him away from you.

He Is Confused

Since breaking up wreaks havoc on the brain, he might not even know what he feels, especially immediately following the split. Anyone who has been through a break up can tell you that thinking straight isn’t always easy. Personally, after a relationship ends my brain enters a fog for a few days.

What seems like coldness might really just be a need for space or time to process his feelings. If he isn’t responding to you or seems distant, remember that the whole process is likely traumatic and he will need a few days to fully understand what happened.

Sometimes, after a few days pass, he could be less cold and distant and might want to engage you again. But, you have to give him time.

He Wants To Move On

I’ve worked with many coaching clients who are stuck on an ex. They constantly think about him and some even go back for hookups with the ex. That never ends well because the hot and cold approach just leaves them confused and unhappy.

Many people, both men and women, prefer a clean break when a relationship ends. So, they might block you or unfriend you on social media and not respond to your texts. This might seem cold or distant, but it’s really just your ex’s effort to move on.

All people are different and, even if your ex still feels some love towards you, he might put himself at a distance so that he can put the relationship fully in the past.

Love Turns To Hate

You might be asking why do guys go cold after a breakup because you wonder how he could stop loving you so quickly. In fact, you might even feel like he hates you!

I have some unsettling news. The part of the brain that registers the feeling of love is also the area responsible for feelings of hate. This research means that it’s possible for the passionate love you both shared to turn into passionate hate. The hate, in a sense, pushes out the love.

If he went cold and distant, it’s possible that his brain chemistry shifted and he no longer feels any love at all. And, if he feels resentment towards you, that will usually manifest itself in cutting you off and acting in a distant way.

He Still Loves You

I have a few exes whom I still love in some fashion. We broke up for external reasons and couldn’t be together. But, since I can’t be with them now for various reasons, I have to keep my emotional distance. It’s not because I feel hate. I am cold to protect myself.

If your ex-boyfriend or ex-husband is distant, he might still love you in some way. If, however, he can’t be in a relationship with you (e.g. you’re married), then he knows he has to keep his distance.

Or, he might feel that you both aren’t good for each other. As much as he feels love, he knows that dating each other is a bad idea. And, if he tries to reconnect with you, it will end in disaster. He stays distant because if he got close, he couldn’t resist and would get into a toxic situation.

Whatever his reasons for being cold, remember that a break up usually means gaining a sense of closure. Even if he still loves you deep down, you can’t count on him acting on it.

If he is cold to you, the best thing to do is find someone else to love who will give you the warmth and emotional connection that you need rather than trying to reconnect with someone who doesn’t want your attention.

Six months ago, a good friend started dating a guy who seemed incredible. Handsome and charming, he had a good job, a nice car, and made her laugh. She quickly wondered if she had found “the one” and started to fall for him after a few dates.

But, a couple of months later, his true personality revealed itself. He manipulated, lied, and even became verbally abusive. She broke it off, but still loved him, fighting contradictory feelings for months. She wished she had never fallen so quickly.

While many guys seem great at first, knowing the real signs he’s a good guy can be difficult. Like my friend, many women don’t see the truth until it’s too late. By then, they’ve already fallen for a bad guy and it causes a lot of pain.

Many women focus on things like height, body type, income level, age range, and so on when determining if a guy is compatible. These certainly are important to keep in mind. But, a guy can be perfect on a “checklist,” but be a horrible human being.

While you always want to date someone attractive, you also want to look for signs he’s a good guy too. This article will give you six signs that the guy you love is more than just a hot body and pretty face, but also someone who will treat you right.

He Treats Others Well

My friend noticed on the second date that her “dream guy” yelled at a waiter because he forgot to bring his drink. She didn’t like his behavior, but didn’t think about it too much. However, if you want to know how a guy will treat you, look at how he treats others, especially people he doesn’t need to treat well.

I recommend that women especially look at how a man treats hired help like servers, hostesses, bus drivers, janitors, etc. Is he kind and generous to everyone? Or, does he look down on others and treat them with rudeness and disrespect?

How a guy acts towards other people, especially those who have lower status, is a good indicator of his true self. If he treats others poorly, you will be next.

He Has A Good Relationship With Exes

Unless you’re dating a guy who has no relationship experience, he has a track record. Those past relationships can tell you a lot about him and how he acts towards his partners. While people can change, they usually stay pretty consistent in their behavior.

One of the biggest signs he’s a good guy is that he still has good relationships with his exes. He doesn’t have to necessarily be friends with them. But, if they don’t hate him and he isn’t constantly involved in drama, it’s a good sign.

If, on the other hand, they all hate him and he badmouths them all the time, take it as a huge red flag. You might end up as another ex who can’t stand the guy.

He’s Upfront With You

It isn’t shocking, but being honest improved the quality of relationships. Good relationships require total trust. If you truly want to fall in love with a good guy, then you’ll want someone who is upfront and honest with you.

Honestly doesn’t just involve not telling lies. It also includes being upfront and assertive when needed. For example, if he’s running late, he will call and tell you. If he is having a bad day, he will tell you instead of being a moody jerk.

You might find someone who is upfront and honest a little shocking at first because it isn’t common. But, it will make the relationship better in the long run not to have to play the games associated with lying and holding back.

He’s A Good Communicator

In order to be truly open and honest, he also will need to be a good communicator. In fact, communication skills are a sign that he is a good guy. Why? Because communication is more than just words.

A guy who communicates is showing you two things. First, it shows that he is making you a priority. He is taking time out of his day to interact with you. Second, and most importantly, it demonstrates that he is committed to making the relationship succeed.

Studies show that negative communication leads to increased breakups. So, if the guy you like can’t take the time to talk to you or refuses to openly discuss problems in the relationship, be warned! But, if he is happy to talk to you and easily discusses anything, even the hard stuff, you’ve found a great guy!

He Takes Responsibility

The allegedly perfect guy from my opening paragraph never apologized or tried to change his behaviors. If he did something wrong, they would fight until the issue was dropped or she apologized. But, he never owned up to his role in any problem or took responsibility for his bad behavior.

A good guy will take responsibility for his life. This means doing his best to fulfill his obligations like paying bills, being there for others, and acting in a responsible way. It also means owning up to his shortcomings, apologizing when necessary, and making changes to do better.

Good men will always want to do better. They won’t always succeed or be perfect. But, they will accept responsibility and try their best to make things right. If you see that behavior in a guy, it’s a good sign he will be a great partner in a relationship.

His Actions Are Good

One of the most important signs he’s a good guy is that he is well-rounded, works hard to be his best, cares about his health, and is happy to bring you into that incredible world.

Look carefully at how he spends his time rather than the words he tells you. Is he focused only on himself? Does he spend all of his time playing video games or doing unhealthy or dangerous things? Do others see him as a jerk or loser?

Or, is it the opposite?

Does he volunteer for charity and make a difference in the world? Does he care about others and love animals? Do other people admire him and want his attention? Is his life so interesting and fulfilling that you can’t wait to be with him?

If he’s a good man, then his actions will reflect it. They are far more important than words.

At university, I met a girl who had perfect grades, was physically beautiful, and active in charities and clubs. She came from a great family and clearly had a bright future.

Her boyfriend, on the other hand, flunked out of school, lived with his mother, and had no job (unless you consider drug dealing a job).

Many who met her asked the same question, why do good girls like bad boys?

My friend from school isn’t an isolated case. History is filled with women from good backgrounds who gave it all up to live a life (sometimes of crime) with bad men. Even movies promote the theme of a sweet, innocent girl falling for the bad boy type.

Whether you’re a woman questioning your own feelings for a bad boy or a man wondering what is wrong with a girl you know, this article will help. I’m going to address why good girls like bad guys.

The Thrill

Some people crave excitement, not only in their lives, but also in their relationships. Many women will like the quiet accountant who pays his bills on time, while others will find that guy insanely boring.

Bad boys can be thrilling and bring excitement to an otherwise dull life. Of course, women can have fun and exciting lives with someone who is good for them too. But, bad boys, with their reckless behavior and life on the edge bring a whole new level of adrenaline.

A woman who finds most guys boring or average might go to a bad boy because he does what no one else can: make her feel alive and excited.

Shock Value/Attention

A friend in high school had very strict parents. She craved freedom, but her dad wouldn’t let her go out much. When she finally started dating, she didn’t choose someone stuffy, boring, and average. She wanted to make a point! So, she dated the class “bad boy.”

If you’re asking why do good girls like bad guys, one answer is certainly attention or shock value. I’m sure when my friend brought her boyfriend home, her dad flipped out and was mad. That was the whole point!

A good girl dating a bad guy gets a lot more attention, from family, friends, and co-workers, than if she dated someone average or expected. Some women thrive on this attention

Bad Guys Are Attractive

When I was younger, I believed that all I had to do was be my nice self and follow the rules and women would flock to me. I couldn’t believe they would pick a rebel instead!

Science has determined a lot about what women want for dating, relationships, and sex. Being “nice” and “following the rules” don’t appear on any lists.

Various studies have identified traits that factor into female attraction to men. A few examples are being muscular, having scars, playing extreme sports, and making her laugh.

Also, a recent study showed that the higher a man scored on a psychopathy scale, the more attractive he became to women.

The researcher theorized that psychopaths are naturally more charming and at ease in conversation. Also, due to their manipulation skills, these men could pretend to have the traits that women admired and desired.

A Phase

I mentioned earlier that dating a bad boy is a common theme in movies. In most cases, these represent a woman wanting to escape from a boring life or a younger girl who is discovering herself and exploring her wild side. Usually, the bad guy turns out as a misunderstood, yet secretly good person.

Although real life bad boys might not be secretly good or misunderstood, the movies hint at a real truth. A lot of good girls who date bad boys do so as a phase.

Many of them find the whole relationship exciting and adventurous, but only briefly. After all, a reckless guy at 18 who takes a girl on adventures can be fun. The same guy at 30, unemployed, with a prison record, and missing teeth…not so much. If you know a girl dating a bad guy, realize that it could just be a phase.

They Want to Change Them

I worked with a woman who dated a horrible guy. He was violent, abusive, a criminal, and addicted to hard drugs. When I asked her why she chose him, she told me, “No one else saw the real him. I wanted the world to finally see the real Ronnie (not his real name).” She wanted to fix him.

Many women, especially those raised in traumatic homes or ones where they had to be caretakers, often seek out broken men to fix. Some psychologists call them “rescuers.” They define love as work and suffering for the good of another person.

They can’t experience true love unless they are “fixing” someone else and quality guys with no problems bore them. Women who love serial killers are the extreme form of rescuers or fixers.

If a woman consistently chooses a guy who is terrible for her, then she could be a “rescuer.” And, sadly, she will never, without serious therapy, end her addiction to bad men.

She’s Not A Good Girl

I personally don’t like labels in the discussion of why good girls date bad guys. It assumes that a woman has no free will or independent thinking. While people can certainly be manipulative, if a woman consistently dates bad men, then I have a news flash: she likes it.

People of both sexes have serious problems and make bad dating choices. Just because a woman comes from a good background or got good grades at once point doesn’t make her a good person or lead to good choices.

I don’t say this to judge all women or even the women in question. If a woman wants to date a guy I feel is bad, a jerk, or a loser, it’s none of my damn business!

I just want people to get over the damsel in distress thinking that “good girls” need saved from “bad guys.” If she constantly chooses to engage in bad, hurtful, or criminal behavior with bad guys, then it’s safe to assume she and the guy are both bad, at least by some definition.

A former coaching client of mine was attractive, fun, and flirty. She landed a great job in a large metro area and wanted to meet new people.

She tried bars and clubs and online dating, but only met a lot of creeps. Although definitely a “catch” by many standards, she struggled to meet attractive, genuine men.

Frustrated, she asked me for help, wanting to know the best way to meet men. She believed that finding a relationship would be impossible. She couldn’t even meet anyone she wanted to date, let alone settle down with and marry.

Many of my women coaching clients share her frustration. They have so much going for them and would make good partners. But, they just have no idea how to find good guys.

Before I talk about the best ways to meet men, I want to first talk about one of the worst ways: online dating. Online dating seems easy, but it can be a terrible experience for women. I constantly hear how they deal with creeps, losers, and jerks, all while being ignored by the guys they like.

So, this article is not just going to focus on the best way to meet guys generally, but also help you meet quality men that you’ll want to fall in love with!

Do What You Love

If you want to meet guys who share your interests, the best thing to do is actually do what you enjoy on a regular basis. I know this sounds like obvious advice, but it isn’t. Why? Because many people stopped doing what they loved years ago.

Most men and women spend their days doing what they hate. They work at a lousy job, drive an hour back home in crappy traffic, then watch TV until bed. On the weekends, they do housework and chores. Then, the cycle repeats.

If you want to meet men, you have to first look inside yourself and find out what you love to do. Then, go do it. This could be hobbies, group activities, or other interests. A few examples would be take a cooking class, join an athletic team, or go to club meetings.

When you do what you enjoy, you’re going to make sure that you’re having a good time and acting in line with your beliefs. Then, when you meet men, the odds will be better that they will share your values and you’ll be relaxed and happy to meet them.

Become A Regular

Going to new places and trying new things can be fun and exciting. But, if your goal is to meet guys, constantly changing things up can make your task more difficult.

If you want to meet men for a good relationship, you don’t just want to go with the first guy who talks to you. Instead, you want to meet many guys, get to know them, and develop trust. Then, you can pick the one who is the best for you. This is why I recommend that you find a place that you enjoy and become a regular there.

If you can find a venue that fits your personality (like a coffee shop or corner bar) and show up often, you can get to know other regular customers and even staff. Then, as you meet them, build trust, and develop friendships, you’ll find that romantic opportunities arise too.

Focus on Yourself

It might be shocking to hear, but perhaps the best way to meet men is to not focus on meeting men. Let me explain.

If you focus on yourself, live your best life, and enjoy being single, you will inevitably have an enjoyable time and radiate positive energy. In addition, you can have a detached mindset and avoid appearing desperate and needy.

By being detached and living a great life, you’ll be more likely to meet a great guy. Why? Happiness is attractive! So, if you’re struggling to meet men, step away from dating for awhile and embrace the single life. We have an entire video course to help you with this.

Get Out There!

I know a woman who rarely leaves her house except to go to the store. She wonders why she’s single and complains about it on social media. Yet, she hates when random guys hit her up online and certainly wouldn’t answer her door if one showed up there.

Yet, how does she expect to meet men if she never gets around them? These days, you can do almost everything from the comfort of your home: watch movies, pay your bills, get food and groceries delivered, and more. Outside of work, many people go days without leaving the house and socializing.

Loneliness is an epidemic in the United States and it can be hard to break the cycle. But, if you want to meet new people, especially for a relationship, you have to put yourself out there.

Today, I read a story about a couple, now madly in love, who met at a holiday party in their apartment complex. Neither wanted to go, but they overcame their doubts and showed up anyway. Now, they’re getting married.  Sometimes you don’t have to do anything except leave the house and show up!

Talk To Strangers

The phrase “don’t talk to strangers” is drilled into the heads of children for good reason. Yet, that advice can keep adults single and unhappy. If you want to know the best way to meet men, you have let go of what you learned in kindergarten.

I hear from countless women how they can’t meet men. Yet, men, good ones, are all around them. They just wait for those men to make the move and start conversations. When the guys keep quiet, nothing happens.

You’re likely around hundreds of men everyday. You see them at work, in the elevator, on the train, walking the streets, at your favorite restaurant, and in your neighborhood. If you see one who looks attractive and compatible, then talk to him!

We live in an age of female empowerment. If you think he looks safe and normal, then nothing should stop you from making the first move. At least say “hi” and go from there. If you have a good conversation, then give him your number or ask to add him on social media. Then, see what happens.

These tips will help you meet men and hopefully find a happy relationship. You don’t have to sit back and hope for the best. Take charge of your dating life, get out there, and find the man you deserve!

You meet a guy you like and text him. Everything is great and you go on a coffee date. You send a text thanking him for a great time. He doesn’t reply.

The next day, you text him again. You wait and wait, but he doesn’t text you back. You have a feeling he never will.

He ghosted you.

Ghosting happens when a person you’re talking to stops all contact abruptly without explanation or warning. The person just disappears. It happens so often that women constantly ask me: why do men ghost?

Guys aren’t the only one who ghost. Women do it too. But, for the purpose of this article, I’m going to look at why men ghost and give you several possible reasons.

He Has A Girlfriend

Online dating is so easy that anyone can put up a profile and start swiping. This includes guys who are married and in long term relationships. One study showed that thirty percent of people on Tinder are married while another twelve percent are in a long term relationship. So, forty-two percent of people on that dating app aren’t single!

Some men ghost because they were already in a relationship when they met you. They might feel guilty about the potential cheating and cut off contact. Or, their significant other might have busted them and they ghosted for that reason.

You can see if this is true by doing a little stalking. If you can find his social media or other information, look around and see if there is evidence of a girlfriend.

He Found Someone Else

Online dating allows men and women to have options. You no longer have to date within your local communities or friend groups. As a result, many men find “dating around” or “playing the field” easier than ever.

So, if he stopped talking to you abruptly, the odds are good that he started talking to someone else. Or, maybe he was talking to that woman at the same time as you and now they are getting serious. Either way, the result is the same for you: ghosted.

When women ask me why do men ghost, finding someone else is the most common answer. You might have felt a great connection and liked him a lot, but, sadly, he wanted someone else.

He Lost Interest

You won’t get along with every guy and every guy won’t find you attractive or compatible. In the past, you’d meet someone in person or through a friend and have a pretty good idea of that person’s attractiveness upfront.

With online dating, determining attraction is a much longer process. Sure, you see a few photos and a bio, but it takes regular messaging and meeting up to determine if even a small spark exists.

As a result, you might text someone a few days, meet up, and then he determines that he doesn’t feel a spark.

Rather than tell you immediately that he doesn’t feel attraction or chemistry (or lost it), he does the easy thing and ghosts you.

He Was A Fake

Catfishing, or pretending to be someone else online, is a huge problem and this applies to dating, as well.  Over half of Americans admit to falsifying online profiles. About ten percent of all profiles are scammers. If you’re interested in a shocking read, the statistics are crazy.

Scammers and catfish are very skilled in manipulation. You thought you created a genuine connection with a fun, friendly, handsome local guy, but, all along, you talked to an old, ugly, married man halfway across the world who only used you for attention.

Many people who catfish end up feeling guilty or fear that you will catch them in their lies. Or, things simply start to unravel over time. Very few catfish will admit their actions and apologize. So, they only have one option when everything falls apart: ghosting.

Examine your texts with the guy who ghosted you and see if you can see signs that he was a scammer or a fake. When you’re in the moment with someone you think you love, you can’t always see the truth. Now that he ghosted you, try to look back objectively. Here are a few tips to catch a catfish online. Use them in the future if you think a catfish played with your heart then ghosted you.

Because He Can

Online dating has transformed human interaction and the process of finding love, sometimes for the worse. In the past, when you dated, you would typically meet people in your community, workplace, or friend group.

If the guy treated you like crap or behaved like a jerk, he’d have to answer to someone. It might be your intimidating uncle, his co-workers, or the rest of the neighbors. This stopped people from behaving too badly.

Fast forward to online dating where you can match with someone who is a total stranger. He has no connection to you or your life. So, if he matches, messages, goes out on a couple dates, then ghosts you, he will have no consequences. If he has no spine or conscience, then ghosting is an easy, guilt free way to get rid of you.

Ghosting sucks, but men do it (women too) primarily because they can. You can speculate on his exact reasons for weeks or months, but, in the end, you might never know.

Instead of asking why do men ghost, my best advice is to forget the actual reasons for ghosting and see the ghosting as a blessing in disguise.

I know this isn’t easy to do. But, look at it this way: if a guy lacks the courage to explain why he wants to stop talking, he won’t make a good boyfriend anyway!

By ghosting you, it frees you to move on to other, better men who will treat you the way you deserve.

A friend of mine met a guy on Bumble who seemed perfect. They hit it off instantly and added each other on Snapchat. They messaged all day, sharing details about their lives, sent photos, and planned their first date for the upcoming weekend.

That’s when the unthinkable happened. On the morning of their date, his profile disappeared. She worried that he had an accident or maybe the app malfunctioned. The truth hurt even more. He blocked her.

“If he likes me, why did he block me???” she asked me, trying to hold back her frustration. Since you’re reading this article, you’re probably just as baffled as my friend. How can a guy go from liking you and talking to you one minute, then blocking you the next?

While I can’t get in the mind of all men, from my dating and relationship coaching experience and research, here are five possible reasons.

He Has Relationship Issues

Relationships can be difficult, especially for people who’ve been hurt in the past. Even men who pretend to be tough still might have a lot of hidden problems.

A cheating ex might have traumatized him years ago. He may never have processed a recent break up. The speed of the developing relationship with you could have caused him anxiety and stress. It’s possible he had strong feelings for you, but feared commitment. Perhaps he has mental health problems on top of all this.

A guy like this already can’t cope with his feelings. He also may not have the courage to be direct and honest with you. As a result, he does the easy thing (for him) and blocks you. It beats having to open up and be vulnerable.

He’s Hiding Something

Lying is surprisingly common on dating apps. It’s very easy to hide behind a screen and make up an entirely different life, including age, height, marital status and even photos! Anyone can be a catfish with minimal effort.

If you’re asking if he likes me why did he block me, you might not even know who really liked you to begin with! The match you thought was a single, handsome, successful, thirty-something guy could be a married, unemployed, ugly fifty year old.

If he blocks you, perhaps he felt you would soon discover his lies and he got nervous Maybe his wife or girlfriend found out and he had to block you to keep that relationship. He might have just felt bad or couldn’t keep up the lies anymore.

He Changed His Mind

Online dating gives people a lot of choice. It also creates what is called the “paradox of choice” or “choice overload” which happens when you have so many options, making a final choice becomes difficult. For example, some people can never commit to one person romantically because they’re constantly comparing their many matches and admirers.

With all this choice, the guy who blocked you simply could’ve found someone else he liked. He still likes you, of course. He just likes someone else better or thinks that his perfect match is just a “right swipe” away. Rather than telling you the truth or coming up with an excuse, he picked the coward’s way out and just blocked you.

He Didn’t Like You

I have a friend who thinks that every woman who smiles in his general direction is in love with him. Of course, he gets very disappointed when he finds out these women not only don’t love him, they don’t even like him!

If a guy blocks you on social media or messaging, then you might have to accept that he didn’t really like you all that much in the first place.

I recommend that you look back at your messages with him and try to be objective. Do you think you really had something special or were you just being hopeful?

Sometimes we project our own values and feelings on another person and that clouds our thinking. You might have liked him so much that you assumed he felt the same. Because of this, you couldn’t see the truth about how he really felt.

He Used You

I hate to say it, but some guys truly only care about their own selfish needs. Using a woman for sex is common, but that’s not all. They could want validation, attention, or someone to make them feel better after a breakup. Once they get what they want from you, they move on to someone else.

It might be hard to admit, but he might have used you for something and, rather than be honest, just decided to block you and move on. Maybe you finally had sex with him or sent dirty photos. Perhaps his ex came back and he didn’t need you for attention anymore. Regardless of his motives, you served a purpose and he acted like a total jerk.

While these five reasons are good guesses, remember that you might never know exactly why he liked you, but still blocked you. He could’ve blocked you for literally any reason, no matter how ridiculous or awful. You’ll probably never know and must accept that.

But, in the end, his reason for blocking you doesn’t really matter. If everything seems great and he blocks you, that reveals a lot about his personality and core values. You don’t want to be with someone like that anyway.

The best thing is to move on and breathe a sigh of relief knowing that you no longer have to waste your time on a guy like that!

We live in an age of instant communication and it’s revolutionized dating. You might have a huge crush on a guy and want to date him, but your anxiety is off the charts because you know that he’s probably texting several other women as you read this article.

How do you stand out and get in a relationship with him?

Knowing how to get a guy’s attention through text or instant messaging can make or break a romantic connection, especially at the beginning.

People have their phones with them nearly all of the time, so use texting skills to your advantage. This article will teach you how to get a guy’s attention over text so you can both can get into an actual relationship!

Be Engaging

Personally, I can’t stand when I’m trying to make conversation over text and someone replies constantly with one word answers. Nothing stops a conversation dead like “ok” or something similar as a response.

Could you imaging having a face to face conversation with someone who only said “cool” or “ok” as a response to you? It would be very boring and frustrating. Yet, this is very common over texting.

If your texting style includes a lot of “ya” and “cool” and “ok” followed by nothing else, then you’re going to come across to guys as a boring, low effort person.

If you want to grab his attention and stand out, then engage him. In other words, treat your texting as you would a real, in person conversation. Use full sentences, ask follow-up questions, and let your personality shine through.

Respond In A Timely Manner

A friend of mine got her phone repaired and wasn’t able to text a guy for two days. When she got her phone back and replied, he had ghosted her! It turns out that in those two days, he matched with another girl on Bumble and they started dating. Two days!

While she couldn’t help her broken phone, many women wait a long time to reply to texts from guys. It happens for many reasons, mainly because you have a life! However, if you really like the guy, then you want to respond to him in a timely manner.

You don’t have to see his text, read it and instantly reply. But, don’t wait too long either. I know women who take hours to reply because they don’t want to appear desperate. But, in our instant gratification world, most guys don’t think your delay is due to lack of desperation. Rather, we assume you’re not interested in us or generally not an engaging person.

The best rule of thumb, if you’re interested in the guy, is to respond when you’re able. So, if it’s a good conversation and you want to reply in seconds, then do it. But, if you’re at work and can’t text for an hour, then it’s OK to make him wait.

But, don’t get cute or try to play games. While you’re pretending not to be desperate, he might be having an amazing conversation with someone who actually texts him back!

Ask About Him

Everyone wants to be wanted. If you’re asking how to get a guy’s attention through text, the best answer might be “pay attention to him!”

Ask open ended questions to find out more about him. Learn what he loves, what makes him happy, and what he does on a daily basis. Open ended questions get people talking.

“What is your dog’s name?” is a closed question because there is one answer. “What do you love about dogs?” or “How did you get your dog?” are open ended because they give him a lot to talk about and you can learn a lot about him that way.

Of course, if he’s good at texting himself, he’ll ask you open ended questions to find out about your life, as well.

Send Photos

Men are very visual creatures. I don’t want to debate which sex is “more visual.” Just know that we men like looking at stuff. Men enjoy staring at a campfire, watching sports, and yes, looking at photos of beautiful women.

Yet, I’m not talking here about sending “those” kind of pics, although that will certainly get his attention too! I’m just talking about photos of you and your life generally. It can be selfies throughout the day and photos from your daily life (like the coffee you had in the morning).

Texting can be cold and artificial at times because you’re both behind screens. By sending photos of yourself and your life, you’re drawing him into your world and showing him (hopefully) that you’re interesting and that he should be a part of your world.

Make photos personal for him too. For example, viewing your Snapchat story isn’t really special. If you send him a Snapchat that is just for him, then he will value it much more.

Flirt

Part of the reasons women and men fail to make an impression with someone they like over text is because they think texting has to be overly robotic and “matter of fact.” They text everyone like a dentist office texts its customers to confirm an appointment.

Knowing how to get a guy’s attention through text really means knowing how to flirt over text. If you know how to flirt in the real world, you can definitely do it over text!  Flirting is the language of attraction and you’d better use it to your advantage.

Generally speaking, flirting over text involves having fun, being yourself, and letting yourself move the conversation in a more sexual and romantic direction. But, it can be hard because body language and other social cues are a huge part of flirting. How can you show those through text?

Emojis!

They’re perfect for flirting. A few of my favorites are the winking emoji if I’m being seductive or the fire emoji if I’m giving a compliment. If I’m suggesting something a little more “adventurous,” I’ll use the angel (or devil) emoji.

Add emojis to spice up your texts and it will take the texts from mere words on a screen to actual flirting. Be creative and have fun with your choices.

These tips will help you get a guy’s attention and stand out from the crowd. Ultimately, the key is to be yourself and let your personality shine through.

Just because you’re behind a screen doesn’t mean you can’t use your texts to your advantage and get the man of your dreams!