Why Do Good Girls Like Bad Guys? 6 Possible Reasons

man with finger in front of mouth in black and whiteAt university, I met a girl who had perfect grades, was physically beautiful, and active in charities and clubs. She came from a great family and clearly had a bright future.

Her boyfriend, on the other hand, flunked out of school, lived with his mother, and had no job (unless you consider drug dealing a job).

Many who met her asked the same question, why do good girls like bad boys?

My friend from school isn’t an isolated case. History is filled with women from good backgrounds who gave it all up to live a life (sometimes of crime) with bad men. Even movies promote the theme of a sweet, innocent girl falling for the bad boy type.

Whether you’re a woman questioning your own feelings for a bad boy or a man wondering what is wrong with a girl you know, this article will help. I’m going to address why good girls like bad guys.

The Thrill

Some people crave excitement, not only in their lives, but also in their relationships. Many women will like the quiet accountant who pays his bills on time, while others will find that guy insanely boring.

Bad boys can be thrilling and bring excitement to an otherwise dull life. Of course, women can have fun and exciting lives with someone who is good for them too. But, bad boys, with their reckless behavior and life on the edge bring a whole new level of adrenaline.

A woman who finds most guys boring or average might go to a bad boy because he does what no one else can: make her feel alive and excited.

Shock Value/Attention

A friend in high school had very strict parents. She craved freedom, but her dad wouldn’t let her go out much. When she finally started dating, she didn’t choose someone stuffy, boring, and average. She wanted to make a point! So, she dated the class “bad boy.”

If you’re asking why do good girls like bad guys, one answer is certainly attention or shock value. I’m sure when my friend brought her boyfriend home, her dad flipped out and was mad. That was the whole point!

A good girl dating a bad guy gets a lot more attention, from family, friends, and co-workers, than if she dated someone average or expected. Some women thrive on this attention

Bad Guys Are Attractive

When I was younger, I believed that all I had to do was be my nice self and follow the rules and women would flock to me. I couldn’t believe they would pick a rebel instead!

woman licking ice creamScience has determined a lot about what women want for dating, relationships, and sex. Being “nice” and “following the rules” don’t appear on any lists.

Various studies have identified traits that factor into female attraction to men. A few examples are being muscular, having scars, playing extreme sports, and making her laugh.

Also, a recent study showed that the higher a man scored on a psychopathy scale, the more attractive he became to women.

The researcher theorized that psychopaths are naturally more charming and at ease in conversation. Also, due to their manipulation skills, these men could pretend to have the traits that women admired and desired.

A Phase

I mentioned earlier that dating a bad boy is a common theme in movies. In most cases, these represent a woman wanting to escape from a boring life or a younger girl who is discovering herself and exploring her wild side. Usually, the bad guy turns out as a misunderstood, yet secretly good person.

Although real life bad boys might not be secretly good or misunderstood, the movies hint at a real truth. A lot of good girls who date bad boys do so as a phase.

Many of them find the whole relationship exciting and adventurous, but only briefly. After all, a reckless guy at 18 who takes a girl on adventures can be fun. The same guy at 30, unemployed, with a prison record, and missing teeth…not so much. If you know a girl dating a bad guy, realize that it could just be a phase.

They Want to Change Them

I worked with a woman who dated a horrible guy. He was violent, abusive, a criminal, and addicted to hard drugs. When I asked her why she chose him, she told me, “No one else saw the real him. I wanted the world to finally see the real Ronnie (not his real name).” She wanted to fix him.

Many women, especially those raised in traumatic homes or ones where they had to be caretakers, often seek out broken men to fix. Some psychologists call them “rescuers.” They define love as work and suffering for the good of another person.

They can’t experience true love unless they are “fixing” someone else and quality guys with no problems bore them. Women who love serial killers are the extreme form of rescuers or fixers.

If a woman consistently chooses a guy who is terrible for her, then she could be a “rescuer.” And, sadly, she will never, without serious therapy, end her addiction to bad men.

She’s Not A Good Girl

I personally don’t like labels in the discussion of why good girls date bad guys. It assumes that a woman has no free will or independent thinking. While people can certainly be manipulative, if a woman consistently dates bad men, then I have a news flash: she likes it.

woman as both devil and angelPeople of both sexes have serious problems and make bad dating choices. Just because a woman comes from a good background or got good grades at once point doesn’t make her a good person or lead to good choices.

I don’t say this to judge all women or even the women in question. If a woman wants to date a guy I feel is bad, a jerk, or a loser, it’s none of my damn business!

I just want people to get over the damsel in distress thinking that “good girls” need saved from “bad guys.” If she constantly chooses to engage in bad, hurtful, or criminal behavior with bad guys, then it’s safe to assume she and the guy are both bad, at least by some definition.

About the Author

Jonathan Bennett

Jonathan Bennett

Jonathan Bennett is a writer, speaker, and dating/relationship expert. He's helped millions through his articles, speaking, consulting, and coaching. He's appeared in over 500 major publications, including Business Insider, The Wall Street Journal, and Psychology Today.

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *