Why Do Guys Never Want A Relationship With You? The Truth Revealed

sad woman with smartphoneI have a good friend who wants to find a great guy, settle down with him, and get married. But, while she meets guys who will gladly date her for a while and have sex, none want an actual relationship.

This is one of the top dating problems my female clients face. They want a good guy and a quality relationship. But, the guys only want something short term, non-exclusive, and to have sex. Women yearn for something more and ask why do guys never want a relationship with me?

If you’re asking this question, you probably are in one of two scenarios. You could, like my friend, have plenty of options for dating and sex, but you want more commitment. Or, you might not be getting anything, sex or casual dating, from the guys you like, let alone a relationship.

Either way, this article will be helpful and explain why guys never want a relationship with you. Then, you can make the necessary changes to get into a great relationship.

Many Guys Don’t Want Relationships

In the past, most people followed a common pattern in dating. They met, got to know each other, committed, married, had children, stayed together for life, and died. Other than the last part, this is the stuff of Disney movies and you might believe that you’re owed a “happily ever after” ending too.

Real life, however, is very different. Relationships don’t magically fall into anyone’s lap and they don’t always end well. Not only that, but statistically, people (both men and women) are marrying less than in the past. And, more than half of young people don’t have a steady romantic partner.

Some of this is by choice. Many guys simply want to date around, be single, or avoid settling down. For example, if you look at how men and women behave on dating apps, a small subset of guys tend to get a lot of the female attention. This leads to a steady stream of dates for the most desirable guys, and many enjoy dating around rather than settling down.

So, the question isn’t necessarily why do guys never want a relationship with you? It’s more why do some guys never want a relationship at all?

They Only Want You For Sex

I know many women who are seeing men casually, giving them sex, and then wondering why the men won’t commit.

Guys are great at compartmentalization. That means we can build giant walls that separate parts of our lives. So, you might think sex should mean commitment. But, in his head, sex means continued sex and not always commitment.

If you’re giving him regular sex thinking it will lead to commitment, let me be blunt: it won’t work.

Studies show that male and female brains respond differently to sex. Women release large amounts of oxytocin, a chemical associated with bonding. Men release less oxytocin and more dopamine, which is a pleasure chemical.

This means that when men and women have sex, women develop a deeper bond, but men simply want more sex. Now, a man can certainly commit and bond with women. But, sex isn’t going to suddenly make a non-committal guy change his mind.

You Aren’t Relationship Material (For Them)

upset woman in bed with man under the coversMen often have different standards for sex vs. commitment with a woman. For sex, the only standard for most guys really is physical attraction.

One study involved an attractive stranger asking guys to have sex with her that night. Seventy-five percent said they would! For reference, when an attractive stranger asked women to have sex with him, the answer was zero percent.

However, men typically have higher standards when wanting to settle down with someone. Most successful, high quality guys don’t want to be with a woman they think will be dramatic or bring chaos to their lives even if she is physically beautiful, for example.

Now, I don’t judge people for their choices. You should certainly be yourself even if guys don’t approve. But, if you want a relationship with a certain type of guy, you have to ask yourself why he isn’t wanting to settle down with you. It might be that you aren’t his definition of “relationship material.” If so, you’ll have to look at your choices and see what you can change to attract the type of guy you want in your life.

You might actually be what he’s looking for, but have trouble communicating it on first dates or through your social media. In that case, you’ll need to work on projecting your true self to the world.

They Aren’t Ready For Commitment

A friend of mine went through a divorce nearly three years ago. His marriage ended badly and he had a lot of leftover emotional trauma. He wasn’t opposed to relationships, but he definitely wasn’t ready for one.

So, he dated around, met new people, and enjoyed time with different women. But, he wasn’t ready to settle down until recently.

You might be finding men who simply aren’t ready for commitment given their situation in life. They are open to a relationship, maybe even with you. The timing just isn’t right.

The good news is that if you get to know them and they start to love and trust you, they might be ready sooner than later. You just have to wait it out and give them a chance.

You Pick the Wrong Guys

If you’re wondering why guys don’t want a relationship with you, the answer might not be on the outside (the guys), but on the inside (your choices). While a number of men don’t want a relationship or aren’t ready, the majority of men still want to settle down into a relatively traditional relationship.

sad woman in black and whiteOne survey showed that only thirteen percent of single, never married adults said they opposed marriage. And, over half of single men say they want to marry someday.

So, most guys are open to the idea of long term relationships and even marriage. Perhaps you’re picking guys who aren’t emotionally available or are confirmed bachelors or players. Or, like I mentioned above, you’re only matching with the same small set of highly attractive guys that other women are also matching with.

Or, you might be focusing on only superficial traits (height, wealth, body type, looks good in photos) without considering other aspects (personality, core values) that would indicate he is relationship material.

I invite you to look around our site. Here at Double Trust Dating, we have all kinds of resources to meet great guys for great relationships. You can find that amazing relationship! Sometimes it just takes patience and a little effort.

About the Author

Jonathan Bennett

Jonathan Bennett

Jonathan Bennett is a writer, speaker, and dating/relationship expert. He's helped millions through his articles, speaking, consulting, and coaching. He's appeared in over 500 major publications, including Business Insider, The Wall Street Journal, and Psychology Today.

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