Why Is My Boyfriend So Boring? The Answer Might Surprise You

A friend of mine recently came to me for advice about the guy she was marrying in a year. He had a good job, her parents liked him, and he treated her well. Everything seemed “perfect,” to an outsider at least.

The problem? She felt nothing. No chemistry. No butterflies. Nothing.

She vented to me because her friends invited her boyfriend and her to a concert and he wanted to stay home and play video games. Then, he got mad when she went to the concert alone! She finally blurted out, “why is my boyfriend so boring???”

To be honest, I hear this complaint from friends, clients, and even random women I meet. They want to live a fun, thrilling life like something out of a romantic movie, but their boyfriends are overly nice agreeable types with very little excitement in their lives.

If you want to know why your boyfriend is so boring, this article will give you reasons. The first three reasons will explain why a boyfriend who previously was exciting suddenly turned boring. If your boyfriend has always been boring, the last explanation will answer your question.

He’s Depressed

Many guys live exciting, fun lives in their youth, then get into the daily grind of work and responsibilities. They give up on their dreams and the day-to-day troubles of work sap their energy and vitality and they hate it. The result? Depression.

Nearly thirty percent of men have suffered from depression at one point in their lives. And, male depression often goes un-diagnosed for long periods. One of the major symptoms of depression is losing interest in hobbies a person previously enjoyed.

If you see other symptoms of depression in your boyfriend, you will want to encourage him to seek help. That will not only help get your boyfriend’s mental health on track, but also make him more likely to return to his original excitement and passion for life.

He’s Stressed

Even if your boyfriend isn’t suffering from depression or another mental issue, he still might be extremely stressed and it can affect his mood.

Take a look at his life and see if he has a lot of stressors. The biggest stressor for most people, by far, is their job. So, if you know work has stressed him out or he’s working long hours, then he probably won’t feel like pursuing excitement.

When people experience stress, they find it hard to remove their focus from the stressors. So, your boyfriend might want to do fun and exciting things, but his stress eats at him so he prefers to stay home and rest. And, this comes across as “boring.”

If your boyfriend suffers from high stress, you can help by using empathy. Understand his feelings and position. Try to help him relieve some of his stress and make things easier, if possible. Then, you will find that he becomes more willing to do exciting activities.

The Relationship Made Him Boring

A good friend of mine was fun and exciting when he first met his ex-girlfriend. She loved his passion, energy, and charisma. No one would describe him as boring.

However, she insisted that he stay at home with her most nights. She got mad when he went out with friends or acted spontaneously. And, he was working two jobs because she wanted an expensive engagement ring and a better apartment.

She would regularly ask, why is my boyfriend so boring? But, the relationship made him that way!  An exciting, unique person turned into an average boyfriend who went to his job, came home, worked around the house, watched TV, and went to bed.

Many men and women settle down into the life they think will make them happy. Perhaps this is what happened with you and your boyfriend. You followed, and are following, every “expectation.” You dated for a year, moved into together, are moving toward engagement, and are living a typical settled life. Maybe you even pressured him to be “less fun” at times out of jealousy he’d impress other women.

On the one hand, you complain your boyfriend is boring, and you may even be getting a little too flirtatious with the new guy at work. Yet at the same time, if your boyfriend even slightly questions the settled routine you live, you lash out at him.

Maybe you turned into a couple whose hobbies consist of eating out together and watching Netflix. This is one reason why the average person gains 36 pounds in a relationship (and men gain it more quickly!), which will guaranteed lessen both of your energy, overall health, and sexual abilities.

If you feel like you and your boyfriend have lost a spark or passion, look at how you’ve settled in the relationship. I would bet you’ve both created a pretty standard and somewhat “boring” life for yourselves.

He Is Boring

If your boyfriend has never excited you and your relationship has always lacked a spark, then I have some unfortunate news.

Your boyfriend is just boring. And, it’s possible that by being with him and accepting this, that you’re pretty boring too.

Some people don’t live exciting lives and have no desire to do so. They play everything safe, do what they’re told, lack creativity, and can’t thrive in social environments. They aren’t funny, and may even be annoying. They are friendly, functional, and decent people. But, they’re boring!

Many people pick partners who look great “on paper.” So, your boyfriend could be tall, educated, doesn’t offend your family, has a socially acceptable job, and acts in a stable way (pays his bills, etc.).

But, relationships don’t exist “on paper.” Neither does attraction. Attraction and chemistry occur in the limbic region of the brain, the part associated with emotions. No one thinks up raw attraction and chemistry. You feel it.

You can’t logically talk your way into attraction either. So, there are many women who have boyfriends who seem “perfect.” Yet, there is no chemistry, passion, or joy in the relationship, and as we argue, chemistry is very important.

A few weeks ago I was at a local hangout with David. We were just sitting there and a women in her early 20s came up and started talking to us. Not only was she hanging all over us, but she started talking about her crush not messaging her back.

We asked her about that, and it came out her “crush” wasn’t her boyfriend. When we asked her what she liked about her boyfriend, all she could muster was “well, he is really nice and has never cheated on me.”

We reminded her that this is no basis for a relationship and she should let him go.

How many of you reading this with a boring boyfriend would only be able to muster up a similar reason you are with your guy? Something like “well, he’s not that awful.”

For those of you settling with someone you don’t find all that attractive, there is a not-so-surprising answer to the question, why is my boyfriend so boring?

He is boring! It’s who he is and he’s not going to change.

I advise my friends and clients to throw out superficial “checklists” and find what they really want in a guy. And, “chemistry” must be on your list!

If your boyfriend is boring due to a total lack of chemistry, I advise breaking up, for his sake and yours.

Harsh? Maybe. But, do you really want to be in a relationship with no passion, living a life of boredom, and constantly getting crushes on men who do make you feel something? Most people would say, “hell no!”

There are guys who will make you feel excitement and passion, who also have the values and stability you admire in your boring-ass boyfriend. You just have to find them.

About the Author

Jonathan Bennett

Jonathan Bennett

Jonathan Bennett is a writer, speaker, and dating/relationship expert. He's helped millions through his articles, speaking, consulting, and coaching. He's appeared in over 500 major publications, including Business Insider, The Wall Street Journal, and Psychology Today.

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